Lyosha's Love - Part 1
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She crashed into the ice and just like the rain that tapped onto the roof above her, the tears tapped onto her cheeks as the pain shot down her legs again, while another bruise started to form. At the age of 3 her mother had put her onto the ice and 14 years later Ashley was still not the champion she had hoped to be. The bad choice of coaches she had made was the key to her downfall because she was left to choose on her own. After her mother had died when Ashley was just 4 years old, skating had never really played a major part in her life. But as long as she could remember she had wanted to be a figure skater, unfortunately her dreams and prayers had never been answered. When the free time on the ice was over she would sit out of sight behind a pillar where she could watch the professionals skate and not be noticed. Green with envy Ashley watched the girls become women in their amazing costumes and their skates as their programs became more and more difficult as the years went on. Although she loved watching the women, which would have been her discipline, her favourite discipline was the mens. They put so much emotion and force into their programs, they were so powerful on the ice, comanding all attention to be on them.
One day when Ashley was sat behind her pillar watching with her envious eyes, Tatiana Tarasova brought a new face onto the ice. Immediately he caught Ashleys attention. His hair was brownish-blonde and fell perfectly into his face creating a halo of light around his perfect features. His eyes, although she couldn't see them clearly were the bluest cerulean blue she had ever seen. This man was so beautiful. She watched him as he went through an order of jumps and spins, each one more powerful and exciting as the last. An hour later, though it seemed like just a minute or two he was gone. He left the ice and the rink just as quickly as he'd entered it, and once again Ashley was left in the cold and barren place that was her life, no not a life an existence.
Lyosha's Love - Part 2
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Ashley walked home thinking about the beautiful stranger she had watched from behind the pillar. Although he was the only thing on her mind at that time, as soon as she turned the corner and the house came into view her thoughts went immediately to what she would find inside.
A drunken father. A messed up home. An unknown woman.
Her father hadn't always been like that, not even straight after her mother died, and twice she had found another woman; and it was two times too many and Ashley had never forgiven him for that. It was when he lost his job and couldn't find another one that he turned to drink. All the money that came into the house went on his drink, or so he thought. Ashley held down three jobs and the money from which went on keeping her alive. She dropped out of school when she was 15 to help her father but it was her who found a job. The money was rubbish, as she had no qualifications or references to say she was a good worker. In the week she worked in a store in the mall, at the weekend she worked with her friend at night in her family's bar and a different store in the day.
Karen was her only friend, the only one she could talk to. It was often that Ashley stayed with them to stay away from what she might find at her house.
The small amount of money Ashley earned was used to pay for her food and her clothes and any other bare essentials she needed. However, she saved as much as she could to ensure she had enough for a pair of skates when she grew out of her old ones. Skating was the only thing she had left to remind her of her mother. That and her memory, which was fading fast, no matter how much she willed it not to leave her.
The key turned in the lock and she anxiously stepped inside, hoping he would be asleep or dead - even that had to be better than what she lived through now. He wasn't asleep or dead. Sat watching t.v. with a drink in his hand of course and a smoke in the other; he turned and looked at her.
"Where have you been?"
It was a demand rather than a question.
"With Karen"
"You know I don't like her, haven't I told you I don't like her?"
This was a demand.
"She's my friend, my only friend and I like her, what's wrong with me having friends?"
"Nothing, as long as I like them"
"You never see my friends, so what does it matter?"
He jumped from the sofa right into her face and glared at her. She tried to stare back with a defiance but couldn't help looking away. He stank of alcohol and smoke.
"It doesn't matter that I don't see them because you're not gonna see them from now on!"
"You can't do that to me, I'm not a child!"
Her voice although she tried to make it as loud as his was barely a whisper.
"You're my child, and you'll do as I say. Oh why wasn't it me they took instead of your mother? Then I wouldn't have to deal with you, you're nothing but trouble and always have been!"
He glanced to the ceiling and she knew he meant God and the angels. Getting her confidence back because she was so tired of being afraid of him, she shouted:
"I ASK THAT EVERY DAY BECAUSE SHE WAS AN ANGEL AND YOU, YOU'RE JUST A DRUNK THAT WON'T WORK TO SUPPORT HIS FAMILY. YOU SIT HERE ALL DAY WITH SOME WHORE AND THEN EXPECT ME TO COME IN AND LOOK AFTER YOU. WHO'S THE PARENT HERE?"
Her head hung in shame and guilt, even though he deserved everything she said and more. Her father was too shocked to say anything. He couldn't believe she had had the guts to say what she did. He did the only thing he could think of.
"Ashley..."
She looked up and he swung his arm right round and landed it in her face. She went reeling into the wall and not for the first time today she cried. He grabbed his car keys and left the house, left his little girl on the floor with a huge scarlet stain across her cheek and tears in her eyes.
Lyosha's Love - Part 3
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Jamie strolled into the sleazy back-street club that was his local. He was known in all the pubs and clubs in New Jersey but this was his favourite. Possibly because this was where all the losers hung out and he could watch them and laugh at his own success. It was his fathers success really. They had a finger in every pie and owned numerous businesses. Jamie was ready to inherit everything, he was going to be one very rich man.
He looked round, all the same old faces were there, and a new one. Old Mike Ferrina. Jamie grimaced, he hated that man and the way he always had a drink in his hand. Jamie took note of what he was drinking and bought two drinks. He wandered over to Ferrina and put the drinks down.
"Here Mike, a drink for ya."
"Thanks, I've not seen you in here for a long time."
"Oh you know, things to do, people to see, that kinda thing."
"Wish there was somewhere I could go to get away."
"Ya not happy Mike?"
"How can I be with that bitch of a daughter of mine."
Jamie was hoping she would come into the conversation.
"What's she done now?"
"I work my ass off to help her out, she wants for nothing, but she don't appreciate it. I can't do anything right for that girl. Just tonight she accused me of sitting on my ass all day!"
Jamie smiled inwardly, he knew Mike was a lay about who did nothing for his girl.
"You wanna do what my dad did with our Kate."
"What did he do?"
"He married her off to some rich young guy who was set to inherit millions and we haven't had a minutes trouble out of her yet."
"Where am I gonna find a guy that'd want Ashley? She's gonna nag whoever he is until she kills him. Not like her mother at all."
"Well all she needs is a guy who'll break her spirit a little, put her in her place that sorta thing, and I know just the guy."
Lyoshas Love Part 4
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Mike drove himself slowly home, he knew he shouldn't but he couldn't trust anyone else. Only Heaven. He sat there thinking about his Heaven and how much she had meant to him. He had treasured her, and the day she brought his little princess into the world had been the happiest of his life. Something had happened to him when she died, it was no one's fault but he felt responsible and he thought Ashley blamed him too. She didn't, Ashley blamed him for not loving her, for only wanting his Heaven to be with him, not even their baby, that was why she hurt so bad.
He pulled onto the drive and turned the ignition off, the lights were out except her bedroom. He staggered out of the car and in through the front door. Ashley heard the door bang and ran to the hall to see if he was alright. She hated him but he was still her father. He was stood watching her at the top of the stairs.
"Come down here I wanna talk to ya."
There was a slight slur in his voice but it was not very definitive. She stepped slowly down the stairs.
"I had a very interesting conversation tonight."
"With what."
"I'm not that drunk that I can't understand what you're saying, you know. I spoke to Jamie...er...Jamie...what's his name?"
"Jamie Mather."
"Yeah him. Well he put a proposition to me this evening and I've accepted it and there's nothing you can do about it. On the day of your 16th birthday you are officially engaged to Jamie and you're gonna marry him and you're gonna get out of my way so I finally live again."
"I'm 17 years old dad. I'm an adult, you can't make my decisions for me anymore."
Her voice was slow, calm and steady.
"Well if you're 17, you can start the plans tomorrow, he'll be round here at 10 and as it's a Saturday, you can spend all day with him sorting out what you wanna do about this wedding thing."
"I'm working."
"I'll call them in the morning and tell them that you don't need that job anymore then. Stop making things difficult and do what you're told. I need a drink, get to your bed and sleep off your attitude, you don't wanna be annoying Jamie tomorrow. You can't argue with him before you're even married."
He walked through the house to the kitchen and then she heard him fall. She went and helped him up and took him upstairs to his bed. Lay there asleep he looked almost human. She watched him for a while, then she called Karen.
"Karen it's me...did I wake you?"
"No, I don't sleep!"
"Sorry, but I need to talk to you."
"Can't it wait until morning?"
"I...I guess so, but..."
The phone rang dead. Ashley hung up and lay down thinking about how different it would be if her mother were here, or if her beautiful stranger...
"Oh that's just stupid thoughts, he doesn't know you, you certainly don't know him. Just think about how you're gonna get yourself out of this mess."
She fell asleep thinking about Jamie, but it was the beautiful stranger from earlier today that held her dreams.
Lyoshas Love Part 5
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Ashley awoke to the telephone ringing.
"Hello..."
"Hey, it's me Karen, look can you get over here as soon as possible only I got some big news!"
"Yeah sure, Ill see..."
The phone rang dead.
"Why does she always hang up on me?"
Ashley got up and ready to go out, she looked at her watch, 9am. Jamie would be here in an hour. Without even a glance in on her father Ashley left to see Karen.
She didn't even need to knock and Karen flung the door open.
"You'll never believe it when I tell ya, but do you remember my uncle in England? He has told me that I can go and live with him for a year on an exchange thingy and get to know what it's like in a different country. Isn't that great?!"
"Yeah, I'm really pleased for ya..."
Ashley couldn't think of anything else to say. The only person in the world who meant anything to her was leaving. For a year!
"Hey, what was it you wanted to tell me last night, only I was really tired and I fell asleep on ya."
"Oh that, it was nothing, forget it."
"Ok, anyways, I'm so excited, I don't really know anything about England but..."
Ashley didn't here anything else Karen said, her world was falling down around her and all she could think of was the horrible mess she was in.
"You're not listening to me are ya?"
"What, oh sorry, look i just remembered I gotta do something, I'll see ya later ok?"
"No, I'm leaving tonight, so this is goodbye."
Ashley gave Karen a hug and wished her well for the future and her trip, they promised to keep in touch but Ashley knew it wasn't gonna happen. She walked home slowly thinking about the times she had shared with Karen. As soon as her house came into view she saw Jamie's car. As the key turned in the lock she said a silent prayer to Heaven to keep her from this fate.
"Where have you been? You knew Jamie was gonna be here this morning."
"I forgot, besides I had to see Ka... someone."
The rest of the morning passed in a daze, Ashley's life passed before her, as she realised that they were serious, she really was gonna have to marry Jamie. When Jamie left, Mike glared at Ashley.
"You never said two words the whole time he was here, you have to speak to him. Oh by the way, I cancelled your job for you."
Ashley was glad she had two more to depend on, that he didn't know about.
"I'm going to see a bloke I know about some arrangements for this wedding, which is a week today, you heard that right?"
"Yeah, a week."
Ashley hadn't heard that and she couldn't believe that these two "men" were planning her entire life for her. After her father had left, Ashley went to the rink.
She was practising this little program she had put together. It wasn't great but it was good considering she hadn't had any great coaches. The program was going fine until she attempted a triple, and down she went into the ice. Exhausted by practice and everything else going on in her life she began to cry. The most beautiful voice she had ever heard said:
"Don't cry, it was only a jump, you'll get it."
Lyoshas Love Part 6
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When Ashley had stepped off the ice she turned to see her beautiful stranger gliding towards her across the ice. His naivety and innocence was so sweet, if only that was all she had to worry about, a jump.
"It's not just that, it's everything. It's my whole life, the way it's going and all the people in it. I just wish..."
She suddenly realised she was going to pour out her life problems to someone she didn't know. Having pulled her skates off and put her shoes back on she stood up, apologised and ran out of the arena.
"Hey wait, I just wanna talk to you, to help you..."
Ashley didn't wait, she couldn't. The stranger jumped off the ice and began pulling at his skates. Once outside Ashley ran to where he couldn't see her, but she could see him. She waited for him to find her for if he did she knew that was her way out, he would save her. Five whole minutes passed and it seemed like hours, just when she thought he wasn't going to look for her, she caught a glimpse of him between the people milling about the streets. She didn't know why, maybe it was because he wasn't American, maybe because he was beautiful but he looked so different to everyone stood around him. His eyes darted round the street to find her, she had seemed so sad that he wanted to help her, to make the pain go away. His expression of hope fell, she was gone. He turned away and then as he looked back for one last glance he saw her. Standing near a wall across the street, she was so beautiful yet so sad. An amazing smile flashed across his perfect features as he made his way towards her. Ashley watched him cross the street, he was so determined to talk to her, why was he trying to help though? What could he possibly do to make the mess go away?
"You ran away from me."
"Erm...yeah, sorry but I'm not sure that I want to tell a stranger about my life."
"My name is Alexei, Alexei Yagudin, guardian angel extraordinaire! And you are..."
"Ashley Ferrina."
"See, we're not strangers anymore. Now I can help! I'm a figure skater, but I guess you know that already seeing as that's where we first met...shut up Alexei!"
Ashley laughed, laughed for the first time in weeks, it felt so good. He was so sweet, trying to make an impression and failing, or so he thought.
"You're laughing at me."
"I'm not...well...kinda."
"That's ok, you look so happy now and before you were so sad. What can have happened to make you cry. You can tell me. Let's go get coffee and you can tell your guardian angel all about it."
Alexei took her hand and led her to a little cafe down the street. She was smiling the whole way there. Imagine calling yourself a guardian angel, but he was an angel. He was beautiful and he was gonna help her, maybe just maybe he was sent from her Heaven...
Lyoshas Love Part 7
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Alexei listened so patiently and with a great interest as Ashley told him her life story, with his coffee and the till receipt from the check, which he made sure he picked up. His face grimaced from pain when she told him about yesterday and her father hitting her and then this morning with Jamie planning the wedding. When she had finished she sat and looked at him with a pleading look on her face for him to do something.
"There has to be a way out of this, they can't do that to you!"
"They already have Alexei, in a week it'll all be over and I'll belong to him."
"You don't belong to anyone but you, I don't know you all that well but you don't seem to be the type of person that will just sit there and let it happen around you. You have to get away!"
"I can't, there's nowhere for me to go. My best friend is leaving the country in an hour or so. I have no one."
"Didn't I tell you that I was a guardian angel, I'm gonna look after you. If God was choosing guardian angels I'm sure He'd pick me!"
Ashley laughed at him again. He had such a childlike innocence and trust that he could do anything, and he would do anything to help. They sat there in silence watching each other, waiting, for what they didn't know. An absolution, an absolution that would never come for she was too far down the line, he couldn't save her, or could he?
A look came over his face as if the solution had been waving at him the whole time and he'd ignored it.
"You can live with me. Tatiana wouldn't mind, I know she wouldn't, I'll look after you and keep you safe from harm. I promise you..."
"Alexei, thank you for the offer but I can't hide from it, they won't let me."
"But I want to help."
He looked like he was going to cry. At 18 years old he still possessed the hope and belief that the world wasn't as bad a place as everyone made out. He was structured like a man but he thought like a child, and that wasn't enough to help her.
"I gotta go, or my father will be looking for me. Thank you for trying to help, but I don't think anyone can."
He pulled a pen out of his pocket and scribbled something on the napkin by his side.
"Alexei, I can't read this."
"Oh, sorry I wrote it in Russian."
He scribbled again but his English wasn't much more legible than his Russian. She read it and just made the address out.
"If you change your mind and decide you do need an angel, that's where I live."
"What does that say?"
She pointed to something written above the address.
"Lyosha, it's my nickname. Only my best friends call me it."
"Thank you Lyosha."
Alexei stood up to say goodbye, Ashley placed a shy kiss on his cheek and walked away. He stood watching her until she was out of view then he went home.
Ashley walked home slowly, partly because she was sort of happy and didn't want it to end and partly because she was afraid of what she might find. Happiness was something she hadn't felt for a long time, Alexei made her feel so special, as if she didn't deserve to be where she was.
The other side of New Jersey Alexei was also walking home, thinking of Ashley. He hoped she would change her mind because he wanted to help her so bad. He could help her because quite simply he loved her. Since the first time he saw her, sat on the ice crying he felt a strange compassion and longing in his heart, he wanted her to be happy. He could make her happy.
"Please, please, please change your mind"
He whispered these thoughts up to heaven and prayed Ashley would let him help.
Ashley was wondering how different it might have been if there wasn't Jamie and Mike in the way. But as she continued walking she realised she would never love him, her guardian angel. She couldn't love him because she would never trust him fully and that wasn't fair. But that was the price she had to pay for her fathers abuse. Because of him she would never fully trust a human being as long as she lived, not even Lyosha.
Lyoshas Love Part 8
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Ashley spent the rest of the day in her room away from Mike where she could contemplate her decision. It was the only way out, to go to Alexei, so what was stopping her?
It was getting dark when with a bag packed with the bare essentials Ashley left her home for the last time. She called a cab on the high street and gave Alexei's address. They pulled up outside a lovely little house and she paid the cabbie. He drove off immediately without a word of thanks. Now that she was here it was so easy, just ring the doorbell and you're free and safe. There was no reason why Jamie or Mike would ever see her again. But she couldn't move, she couldn't do it, she couldn't land herself and all her problems on Alexei no matter how much he wanted to help.
Realising it was for the best she walked up the path and raised her hand to the door bell, Ashley sighed and turned around and started on the long walk home. Jamie would probably send someone to find her anyway and she couldn't have Alexei in all sorts of trouble because of her.
Ashley silently went up to her bedroom and unpacked her tiny bag, she got into bed and cried herself to sleep as she knew the only way out now was death.
Lyoshas Love Part 9
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The next week passed in a daze. Every spare minute they had Ashley and Alexei shared. He introduced her to Tatiana and some of his skating friends, and Ashley would watch them at practice. Sometimes Alexei did a little coaching of his own and he had the best pupil he could hope for in Ashley, she was really improving.
It was a welcome escape for Ashley for although Jamie and her weren't in love, he wasn't skipping any expense on this wedding. It was to be the full white dress church ocassion. On Tuesday he handed her a wad of cash for a dress and so Ashley and Alexei went shopping, she bought his favourite dress. It was fun because they pretended she was marrying him and that they were happy. Thursday was their last day together where she wasn't married, for they were too busy on Friday.
It was getting late and they were about to say goodbye, at the little cafe where they had had their first talk. Alexei handed her a little present wrapped up.
"What's this?"
"Don't open it until you get home, ok?"
"Yeah sure. Well this is goodbye."
"Only for now, just because you're gonna be married it doesn't mean that I'm not gonna see you any more."
"Goodbye Lyosha."
Ashley walked out of the cafe, and he watched his love as she left him for the last time. It was too late, he could have saved her and he didn't. As a guardian angel he had failed.
When Ashley got home she ran upstairs and opened her present, it was a cassette tape. She put it in the hi-fi system and pressed play. This is what she heard:
When there's a dark storm on your horizon
And you think you can't get through it
Just put your hand in my hand
And I'll show you how to do it
When the future looks uncertain
You can count on me to be there
And when your heart and soul are hurtin'
Just look and you'll see me there
Just follow where I lead
I'll give you what you need
A love that's always true
And someone who believes in you
So when you're searching for that rainbow
I will help you find it
And when a mountain stands before you
I will help you climb it
Just follow where I lead
I'll give you what you need
A love that's always true
And someone who believes in you
It's time to come alive
Your moment has arrived
I'll bring out the best in you
We can have it all
No, we will never fall
Looking down from our celestial view
Just follow where I lead
I'll give you what you need
And I'll tell you something else
You'll start believing in yourself
It's an easy thing to do
When you have someone who believes in you
Someone who believes
Someone who believes
I'm someone who believes
and You've got someone who believes in you.
Ashley cried as she listened to the words that were so meaningful to their situation. She knew Alexei loved her, he had just proven it and she cried for them both. She knew now that he was hurting but hiding it so that she wouldn't feel any worse about her situation. He was the perfect guardian angel but now she had to say goodbye because from Saturday, just two days away, there was nothing he could do.
Lyoshas Love Part 10
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Friday was spent finishing the last preparations for the big day. Mike was tolerable for the first time in years, and Jamie was convinced that the day was to go off without a hitch. Although a lot of work had been put into it, Ashley wasn't happy. Neither was Alexei.
"Alexei, what is wrong with you today? You're skating with two left feet. You can't jump, your spins are atrocious and you've never faltered on a step sequence before. What is it?"
"Sorry Tatiana, I'll try to do better."
"Is it Ashley? Alexei, she's to be married, let her go from your heart. She's with someone else."
"But she doesn't love him!"
"Does she love you?"
"I don't know."
"Alexei, there's nothing you can do. It's up to her now. If you can't have her at least skate well for her, do the only thing you can."
As the day wore on his skating improved slightly, Tatiana was worried. He'd never been like this over a girl before, and that was all she was. Just 17 years old, a child.
Both Alexei and Ashley didn't sleep well that night. Tonight was her last of freedom and the last for him to save her.
Saturday came upon them too quickly, the last minute prep was done and Ashley was dressed and got ready by the bridesmaids that Jamie had organised. She looked incredible, it was the first time Mike had told her she looked lovely. Along the drive to the church she prayed for a miracle from her Heaven, her beloved mother. Inside she knew it was never going to happen.
Stood outside the church facing her new life, a shiver tingled down her spine. The church was full of people she didn't know and didn't want to know, she wished that Alexei was here to help her.
"Ashley..."
Ashley looked round to see a girl she recognised from the rink beckoning her. Ashley walked to her and the girl handed her a present wrapped in blue paper. Then she left without another word. Ashley read the little tag attached to it.
"Love Alexei."
Called by her father she went into the church. It was decorated beautifully, it would have been a happy day if only it was someone else waiting for her at the altar. The ceremony passed quickly and when it was announced that they were married a single, solitary tear fell down her cheek as she thought of Lyosha.
The celebrations afterwards was a grand affair and everyone was laughing and joking and enjoying themselves. All but Ashley. She had to admit Jamie was the perfect gentleman he wasn't rude or mean to her, in fact he may have even loved her.
The "happy" couple were to spend a night in a hotel and then fly out to Italy for their honeymoon. Jamie went to the bar for a drink, only one mind, he wasn't like Mike. Going upstairs on her own Ashley held the tiny box from Alexei. In the room she opened it to find a piece of paper and another cassette tape. The paper said:
"Although you're married, you're still alone. Remember that I'll always be here waiting for you, Love Lyosha."
Ashley put the tape in the hi-fi system and pressed play to hear:
"So lately, been wondering
Who's going to be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own?
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
And maybe I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love
I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go."
She listened and she wept as once again Alexei proved he loved her. She had just hidden the tape and the message when Jamie entered the room.
"I know you don't love me, but you could learn to like me at least, right?"
"Maybe."
He walked to the bed where she was sat and he kissed her. Tonight Ashley was to give the most precious thing she owned to a man she didn't love, she was to give herself.
Lyoshas Love Part 11
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Italy was beautiful. They went to Rome and saw all the sights. Jamie was tolerable and Ashley started to enjoy herself. Everything was going ok, until the third day. Ashley was in the shower, they were getting ready for dinner. Ashley was admiring the rings on her finger. The engagement ring was gold with a cluster of eight diamonds set around a central larger one. The wedding band was a gold ring with an intricate design that looked like vines on it, it reminded her of Alexei's step sequences. As soon as she walked into the bedroom she knew something was wrong, on the bed next to Jamie was her tape and the message scrawled by Alexei. She bit her lip as he moved towards her.
"What's this?"
"It's a gift from Alexei, remember I told you about him, my friend?"
"I remember, but why do I get the impression that he wants to be more than friends?"
"That's just him, he's very protective of his friends, it's just letting me know that he's there for me."
"What does he mean when he says, although you're married you're still alone?"
"He means that because I haven't known you that long he is there if I need to talk to him about something before you."
"You never tell him something before me, do you understand?"
He was right in her face, she could see his pupils and the brown of his eyes getting darker, it does that when he gets angry. She didn't love him but she noticed things about him.
"Yeah, I got it."
From that day onwards she was kept by his side 24 hours a day, like a prisoner. What looked like it was going to be a good holiday turned out to be a prison, just like home.
Meanwhile Alexei was concentrating really hard on his skating. He put all his energies into it not only for him and Tatiana but Ashley aswell. His new long program was to the song that he had given her as a wedding present in dedication to her, "Wherever You Will Go". His short was to his mothers favourite classical piece of music by Mozart. Fast and complicated, like his skating anyway so it fit perfectly.
For weeks Alexei had hardly a minute to spare to think about Ashley, until exactly three weeks after the wedding. He was walking down the high street, when there she was walking towards him completely unaware he was there. Her skin was a perfect gold after being in the sun so long, her brown hair had been bleached naturally blonde and it created an amazing affect on her face. She looked so radiant as if she had not a care in the world. Dressed all in black to accentuate her mood, Ashley didn't see Alexei until he stood purposely in her path.
"ALEXEI, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!"
"There's no need to shout! I missed you too!"
He picked her up and swung her round in a circle making the people around them part like the sea for Moses.
"When did you get back?"
"Last night. How have you been?"
"Great, lets go to the cafe and catch up."
Sat inside in their booth Ashley told Alexei all about the holiday.
"Well you've spent 25 minutes without a breath telling me about the holiday but not a word about Jamie, is he ok?"
"Erm...yeah...he's fine."
"And he's been treating you properly?"
"Of course he has."
"Sorry, I had to ask. It's hot in here, why don't you take your jacket off?"
"I'm fine the way I am."
"You're hiding something, I know it. What's wrong?"
"It's nothing I just don't wanna take my jacket off."
"Please..."
Ashley uncomfortably shifted around in her seat and took her jacket off. She revealed a purple shoulder and arm.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
People in the cafe looked round at them.
"Lyosha please, be quiet! It's not as bad as it looks, besides it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't..."
"NO, don't take the blame for something he did!"
"Alexei, if I hadn't have had that tape with me, it would have been ok, I just didn't think that he would find it or if he did, react that way."
"So it was my fault."
"No I didn't say that."
"It was my gift, I'm sorry Ashley. I should have realised that I can't do things like that anymore."
He took her hand and kissed it. Ashley risked spending another hour with Alexei then she left him, again.
Arriving back at Mikes where Jamie was waiting for her, she received a gift. Jamie handed her a box.
"What's this?"
"Open it."
Ashley opened the box to find a set of keys.
"The keys to our new home. I leave it up to you for decoration, do with it what you will."
They got into his car and drove to the house with all her possessions. Ashley devoted the next three months to decoration. Jamie was convinced by his father that he needed to get to know all their employees and businesses for when he took over; so all his time was spent there. When he came home, Ashley performed her wifely duties without even thinking about them. Jamie was none the wiser that she hated him, she hid it to save herself from another beating. One was enough. Every spare minute, when she could find one Ashley spent with Alexei. Just like the olden days they were inseparable. She still told him everything, and he listened. Alexei made sure that he made up for everything Jamie failed to do for her.
Four months after the wedding Ashley had met Alexei at the rink.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
He had just skated over to where she stood and already he knew there was something wrong.
"I need to talk to you."
He looked round at Tatiana and she nodded her head. Alexei stepped of the ice and sat down beside her.
"Whatever it is you know that your guardian angel is here."
She smiled as she remembered his title of times gone by.
"Alexei, I'm...I'm..."
"Pregnant."
His voice showed no emotion as he finished her sentence. Ashley bowed her head.
"Does he know?"
"No."
"How far?"
"Three months."
Ashleys cell phone rang. It was Jamie.
"Look Alexei, I gotta go, Jamie needs me at home."
She turned round and started to walk away. Turning round for one last look, she made a telephone with her hand and pointed at him. She was going to call him later, when she could. When she was too far out of reach to hear, Alexei whispered:
"And I need you here."
Lyoshas Love Part 12
*******************
"Hello."
"Hi Alexei, it's Ashley. Look I want to apologise for earlier. I shouldn't have dropped it on you like that and then just left, I'm sorry."
"It's ok, I understand that Jamie needed you. Have you told him yet?"
"No, I want to get a scan and make sure before he knows. If I arrange a date and time, will you come with me?"
"Of course, I'll be at the rink all day tomorrow so let me know when and I'll be there holding your hand."
"Thank you Lyosha, I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow, bye."
"Bye Ashley."
Alexei put the phone down, wondering how he had got himself so involved with this girl. Four months ago he had met her in June, now it was early September. His heart had been broken so many times over by the pain she was in, and he feared it would always remain that way.
Thursday. Ashley made her way to the rink to meet Alexei. The appointment was set for Monday at 3pm. Sneaking in through one of the side doors, Ashley sat in her hidden place where she used to dream about being a skater herself. That dream was far gone now. She watched Alexei as he performed to the song she knew so well. She had listened to that tape every day since he had given it to her. He looked so beautiful out there, completely at home. That was how she would always remember him, on the ice skating to "their" song. Ashley made her way down to the edge of the ice. As soon as he saw her Alexei's face filled with all the love he had for her in his amazing smile.
"I love that program."
"I love you."
He tried to turn it into a joke but she knew he was serious.
"The appointment is on Monday at 3pm."
"Ok, I'll be here in the morning so if you wanna wait here until I'm finished, then we'll go together."
"Ok."
"Alexei, are you skating today or gabbing?"
Tatiana waved her hands at him in exasperation. She didn't want him to spend so much time with that girl when he couldn't have her. Alexei glided across to the middle of the ice and began the program again. Ashley watched for a while but then left. Jamie knew where the rink was and if he caught her there, she would be in so much trouble.
Over the next few days Ashley had an awful pain, which she couldn't connect with anything that she'd eaten or done. Jamie was as always completely oblivious to what was going on around him, except when it came to business. When Monday came around Ashley was pleased, now she could determine her future, and what this pain was.
As Alexei walked Ashley into the hospital, others commented to each other how beautiful they looked together. If only it were that simple. The nurse who looked after them was lovely, she said to Alexei:
"You must be so proud."
Without thinking he answered that he was and then realised what he'd said. Ashley just flashed him a smile, which let him know that it was ok. The nurse gave a troubled look to Ashley and left to find a doctor.
"Alexei, I'm scared, did you see the way she looked at me?"
"It's probably nothing, don't worry."
The doctor came in and looked at the monitor.
"Is there a problem?"
Alexei already knew the answer when he asked the question.
Sat in the doctors office Ashley gripped Alexei's hands so hard the blood had a hard time getting through.
"I'm afraid that your baby is gone, you've had a miscarriage."
The doctors face was flooded with sympathy as if he understood, but he didn't. Ashley looked blank as if she'd been punched in the stomach, that was the pain. She was loosing the little person inside of her. Alexei thanked the doctor and helped Ashley outside.
They were sat in his living room.
"Alexei, I killed my baby."
"You did not, it just wasn't the right time. God knew what he was doing, trust that there was a reason behind it. I wish I were a guardian angel then I could ask him why he makes you suffer so."
The tears came then in floods, down her cheeks. Alexei wiped them away until she had stopped, all the time stroking her cheeks clean. His hand moved from her cheek to behind her neck and he pulled her face closer to him. A kiss, a soft feathery kiss from an angel. It grew stronger, just a little at first and then more.
"Lyosha..."
"Let me love you, just once let me love you."
Again the kiss grew, she wanted to stop but couldn't. How long they had both waited for this.
Ashley woke up, in Alexei's bed. His strong body wrapped around her, his blue eyes gazing at her. She looked around the room, there were her clothes on the floor, mingled with his. For the first time in her life, she felt needed, she felt wanted, she felt loved.
"You're so beautiful when you're sleeping. You should have been a guardian angel not me."
He kissed her again, his soft feathery angel kiss.
"So this is what love feels like."
As Ashley made that comment she realised what had just happened, and she remembered Jamie.
"Alexei, I gotta go home."
"Don't leave me, not now. Not when I proved I love you."
"Please Alexei, don't make it any harder than it is."
She got out of the bed and picked up the bundle of clothes from the floor. Separating his from hers, she dressed and walked to the bedroom door. Looking back she gave him that look that said, I love you but there's nothing I can do, I am trapped.
Alexei lay back when he heard the door shut. Was he ever going to be able to forget these feelings and move on? No, not now, not after today.
Lyoshas Love Part 13
*******************
Ashley walked up the drive of her large beautiful home. The door flung open and Jamie skipped down the drive towards her, he picked her up and swung her round in a circle.
"What's made you so happy?"
"Florence!"
"Florence?"
"Yeah, you know, beautiful place and all that. I'm going for a year, it's a business trip."
"Am I going with you?"
"No, completely business. But it doesn't matter because you're going to be busy yourself."
"I am?"
They walked into their home and sat in the living room.
"My parents throw a huge Christmas party and they want you to host it this year, still at their home of course. But all preparations are left to you. Decoration catering, invitations, gifts, everything is your choice. That will keep you busy until Christmas and then there's the New Year celebrations. The rest of the year until September is yours. I'll call you all the time to see how you're getting on so don't miss me too much!"
Ashley was quite taken aback by all this being thrown on her, but at least she wouldn't have to see him for a whole year.
"When do you leave?"
"Tomorrow."
After Jamie had left for Florence, which she knew wasn't entirely business, Ashley put all her energies into the Christmas party. Most of her time was spent with Jamie's parents arranging all different elements for the big night. She hardly saw Alexei, until the day before Christmas Eve. Ashley paid Alexei a visit at the rink, where he spent all his time since that day.
Lyoshas Love Part 14
*******************
Ashley made her way to the rink for the first time in months. Alexei looked amazing as usual on the ice. He saw her and immediately left off his program to talk to her.
"Hi, how are you? I haven't seen you in so long. How's Jamie?"
It shocked her that he could still ask about Jamie after what had happened between them in September.
"Hi, I'm fine, how are you? I know, I waited too long but I've been so busy. The last time I saw him was September as he boarded a plane for Florence for a year."
"Wow! You have been busy, I can't believe he never took you with him!"
"It's mainly business, besides I've been busy organising the 'Mather Family Christmas Party'. Today is the first time I've had a chance to see you. I wanted to bring you a gift."
"I got one for you too, I brought it with me every day hoping you would come."
He came off the ice and went to his bag and pulled out a gift and handed it to her. Ashley gave him an envelope in return.
"ALEXEI, are you skating today or gabbing?"
"I swear that's Tatiana's favourite sentence to give to me!"
Ashley laughed at their exasperation for each other, she knew they loved each other so much. A mother and her son.
"I gotta go too, lots of last minute prep for Christmas Day."
"Merry Christmas Ashley."
"Merry Christmas Alexei."
They hugged and once again he watched her walk out on him.
Alexei put the envelope in his bag and returned back to the ice.
The minute she got home Ashley opened her gift from Alexei, it was another tape. She played it and this time she heard:
"Remember when we never needed each other
The best of friends
Like sister and brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone
Those days are gone, and I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble
I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be
Alone tonight
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need to know, oh yeah
I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?
What can I do, to make it right
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew
How did I fall,
In love,
With you?"
Ashley wept for the hopelessness of their situation and added this tape to the other two she kept safe in a box, for which there was only one key.
Alexei forgot about the envelope until he got home. He saw it there on top of his clothes in his bag. Taking it out he opened it to find a photograph, a scan.
"She's pregnant."
Alexei's thoughts ran back to that night, could it be?
Lyoshas Love Part 15
*******************
Ashley's Christmas party went off perfectly. All the guests and Jamie's parents were very impressed. Jamie still hadn't called her though.
Ashley tried her best to avoid Alexei since she had seen him at Christmas and it was January before they met again. She was sat in the cafe in their booth, as soon as Alexei walked in he knew it was her. Her heart cried and laughed when she saw him sit before her because she loved him but she didn't want to hurt him.
"Why have you been avoiding me Ashley?"
"I haven't, I've just been busy with Jamie's parents and things."
"Do they know?"
"Know what?"
"Don't play games with me, you know what."
"No, no one knows except you."
"Is it mine?"
Silence.
"What are you gonna do Ashley? What are we gonna do?"
Silence.
"We have to sort this out! You can't sit there in silence!"
Ashley ran outside, she couldn't bear it. She was already moving down the street when he caught up with her. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her round.
"Alexei, don't demand anything from me because I can't give it! I'm having this baby in June and I'm being pulled in all different directions by different people and I don't know which way to go!"
"I don't demand anything except to be a part of your lives. That's all I want."
That was typical of Alexei, only wanting to be there. Nothing more and nothing less.
They became inseparable again. When Alexei was training Ashley was with Jamie's parents. Every other minute was spent together. They bought new clothes and toys for the baby and filled the house with them. It was Jamie's house but it was their home. They celebrated Valentines day together. The celebrated Alexei's 19th birthday in March and Ashley's 18th birthday in April. Outside they were the perfect couple inside they both knew it would have to end soon. The pregnancy was hidden very well from Jamie's parents because if they knew Ashley would never be left alone and Alexei would be thrown out of her life. Ashley was determined not to lose him, again.
It ended in May.
Lyoshas Love Part 16
*******************
It was a beautiful May day. Ashley and Alexei were at "home". There was a knock on the door.
"Alexei honey get that for me will you."
Alexei answered the door and greeted the person stood there in his thick Russian accent with:
"Hello, if you want to see Ashley, please come in."
Ashley went to the door after Alexei to see who it was.
"Margaret!"
Jamie's mother stood there an unimpressed look on her face.
"Please come in."
Ashley gave Alexei a look that said, we're in big trouble now. Margaret went through into the living room.
"Well, Ashley dear, I've had two surprises this morning. Not only are you heavily pregnant but there is another man in my sons home."
"Alexei is my friend and I invited him here to help me because Jamie is in Florence."
"But that's no excuse why you didn't tell us about Jamie's child."
Alexei squirmed, it was his child, he knew it was.
"Anyway now that I do now, Ashley dear, you can move into our home until Jamie gets back. We can help you with the child and any other arrangements that need to be made. You don't need to stay here on your own."
"I'm not on my own, I have Alexei! I want to stay here with him. He's my friend, my best friend! You can't make me go with you!"
"Now, dear don't make this any harder that it has to be. You can come home with me."
Margaret went upstairs with Ashley and Alexei behind her. She pulled out a bag and packed the essentials that Ashley would need. Alexei couldn't stand this, he wasn't going to lose her again to this family.
"Excuse me, but Ashley isn't a child. She can make her own decisions and if she chooses to stay here then you have to respect that, this is her home."
"Dear, whoever you are, this is family business, you wouldn't understand. Ashley and our grandchild belong with us. It's nothing to do with you."
Alexei was fuming. Grabbing Ashley by the hand Margaret dragged her downstairs. She pushed Alexei outside and locked the door behind them. Ashley and her bag were ushered into the car while Alexei tried to get her out.
"Really, for a friend you are being rather unfair to Ashley. Let her come with me to her family. Let go of her."
Margaret locked Ashley in the car and got in the drivers side. Ashley mouthed to Alexei:
"I'm sorry."
Alexei watched as once again his love was taken from him by that family. He was determined this time to get her back in any way that he could.
Lyoshas Love Part 17
*******************
Margaret practically glued herself to Ashley over the next month. She could hardly go anywhere alone and so Ashley didn't see Alexei any more. He tried all he could to get to see her but he was stopped before he made it to the front door. Ashley was kept like a prisoner. Jamie still hadn't called Ashley and every time his mother called him he didn't answer his phone. Jamie just wasn't interested.
June 3rd, midnight. There was a knock at Alexei's door, luckily he was awake; thinking of Ashley. Alexei stumbled to the door in the dark and answered it.
A voice whispered in the dark
"Lyosha...my waters have broken."
It was Ashley; she had stolen out of the house and made it all the way to Alexei. He ran upstairs and grabbed some clothes and then he drove Ashley to the hospital.
For 48 hours he held her hand as she went though the most traumatic experience of her life. The pain was so bad. Eventually on June 5th she gave birth to a beautiful little girl. The baby was taken for tests to make sure she was ok.
Alexei still holding Ashley's hand wept. They had a girl.
The nurse who was checking Ashley was ok called for a doctor.
"She's too young and too fragile to survive, we're loosing her!"
Alexei screamed to the doctors to do something, they had to save her now that she had come this far.
"Lyosha..."
A tiny voice came from the bed.
"Lyosha..."
"I'm here sweetie."
"Promise me...promise that you'll...name her...Heaven...she's yours Lyosha...and promise...to keep her...away from...Jamie and everybody else..."
"I will Ashley, but you gotta fight and help me, I can't do it on my own."
Alexei turned to the doctor with a pleading look for help. The doctor bowed his head and mouthed "I'm sorry" then walked out leaving them alone.
"Lyosha...now I know...why I lost...the last one...it was so...I could have your...baby...so I could...do at least...one thing..right..."
Alexei's tears fell to her pillow as he still held her hand and prayed for her to make it through.
"Lyosha...I love you."
"I love you too Ashley."
With those last words Ashley finally rested in peace with the most important knowledge in the world. Her Heaven was going to have the best daddy in the world and that Ashley had and was Lyosha's Love.
The funeral was a small affair with only Lyosha, Tatiana and some of Ashley's other skater friends present.
Mike and Jamie's parents were informed of her death. Mike was immediately cut off from the family and Jamie was informed in Florence by his mother. He said that as Ashley hadn't told him about the baby he assumed it wasn't his. He told his parents not to bother looking for the child, he didn't want it.
Alexei went on to become the greatest figure skater the world has ever seen. After winning the Olympic gold in Salt Lake City in 2002 and his fourth world title also in 2002, he was touring the states with 'Champions on Ice'. His little girl Heaven went everywhere with him. He thought of Ashley every day and she inspired him to skate, as well as their little girl. He missed her so much but he knew that every time he skated and every time he looked at Heaven she was there right beside him, loving him and helping him through life. She became his and Heaven's guardian angel. On her fourth birthday Alexei introduced Heaven to the ice for the first time. She was a natural and soon she was able to move around on her own, very slowly. Alexei watched her, blue eyes shining and a halo of golden curls around her face, she was the perfect balance of Ashley and Alexei.
"Daddy, am I skating?"
"Yes Heaven, you are skating and you are wonderful."
THE END.
