At 27, I was ancient. Too old by figure skating standards, even in the pairs. My partner was 28 and so we decided to retire after yet another unsuccessful season. I don't know why we failed year after year. Worlds, Olympics, Nationals, we didn't win a thing. Didn't even qualify some of the time. We tried so hard, worked so hard. We were good, just not good enough. Maybe it was for the best, Nicky tells me it is. That's my husband, not my skating partner. I love him so much. I would have given up a long time ago if it weren't for him. We were childhood sweethearts so it was only natural that we got married. I guess now we'll start a family, I always wanted a family. In saying that though I always wanted to win the Olympics and that never happened. I'm being pessimistic now. Still can't help it, not after all the disappointments I had. It's weird, Paul isn't bothered. He's my skating partner. We've been together longer than me and Nicky, professional only! I think I'm still gonna skate though, just at home. Just me, by myself. I watch the younger pairs, trying new moves and new elements to make them something different, something special. Jealousy sometimes but more it's pity that I feel. Pity for those that don't make it because I know what it's like to lose your dream. I know what it's like to endure all that pain and still keep working for nothing. I know what it's like to be told you just ain't good enough.

Temptation Part 2

*****************

The doctor confirmed today, I'm three months pregnant. Nicky is over the moon. I haven't gotten a baby unorientated word out of him all day. He's like a kid at Christmas. He's sweet. I left Nicky calling everyone we knew to give them the news, I went to the rink. It felt weird knowing that I'm skating because I want to for fun, not for the next season. Actually it felt horrible. That's the price you have to pay for retiring though. I'd been on the ice for about an hour and decided to go home, it wasn't the same on my own without Paul. I was part of a team and that team didn't exist any more. It's not fair. Anyway, I'd just stepped off the ice and someone said to me

"You're a beautiful skater, it's a shame you had to retire."

"Yeah, well I've been on the ice my whole life, it's all I ever wanted to do anyway. I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta go."

"Ok, I better start my training. Bye."

I watched the voice move on to the ice, he turned back and flashed a smile at me. I didn't return it. I had seemed cold and bitter towards him and I hadn't meant it. It was probably the green-eyed monster in me. But there was something about those amazing blue eyes, that brilliant smile, that passion upon the ice that sent shivers down my spine, and I couldn't explain it.

Temptation Part 3

*****************

Nicky is so sweet, he spent the entire weekend designing a baby room from the spare room. He showed me the design this morning. I knew he was a good designer, but this room looked so beautiful, even in the blueprint stages. The only problem is colour, blue or pink? We'll have to wait until the baby is born. He's also bought every babies name book he can find. There are lists all over the house with names on, I have to look at them all and cross off the ones I don't like. He's going to be the best daddy in the world! I left him poring over his designs and books to go to the rink. Sometimes Paul would be there and we'd go over an old program but it wasn't the same anymore. When I arrived at the rink that passion was on the ice. I watched him skate for a while, until he realised he'd taken too much time on the ice. As he made his way to the edge I climbed down the steps from where I'd been sitting.

"I'm sorry, I used too much time. I must have got carried away."

"That's ok, it's a pleasure to watch you. Look, I wanna apologise for my attitude the other day. I don't know what came over me, it's just..."

"Jealousy?"

"Yeah, a little. I wanted to win so bad and it never happened. Now I'm too old to try again."

"Aren't you only 27?"

"Yeah, old."

"That's not old, just older."

He flashed that smile, again sending those shivers down my spine.

"What about you, 23? 24?"

"18."

"Really?"

He looked older, more mature than 18.

"I guess you've never had the pleasure of losing then?"

"I will, every skater has to lose sometime, right?"

He sounded so sure that it would never happen to him. Shame, for it would break his heart if he ever lost.

"Who's your coach?"

"Tatiana Tarasova."

"She's a good coach. Maybe if I'd had a better coach my story would have been different."

"And maybe not, what's meant to be will be. Besides, you've had the whole experience. The exhibitions, the tours. Doesn't that make up for it?"

"A little, but it's not the same as standing atop the podium hearing your national anthem with gold around your neck, is it? Even you have to know that."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

The smile he gave me now was a childish grin rather than a look of beauty, but still cute. Very cute.

"You, you're still a child. You don't understand what it's like to be told you're not good enough."

"You really think that? Well let me tell you..."

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking. He told me about his life. Surprisingly difficult it was too. When he had told me his story, I told him mine. A much shorter version as my life was longer. Right up until Nicky and his designs and the books. Our baby.

It was amazing, this 18 year old, just turning into a man was so understanding. So mature and easy to talk to for his age. He had intelligence aswell. There was nothing missing from his personality, he had it all, including a perfect, angelic beauty. I glanced at my watch to see it tell me 8pm.

"Oh, I gotta go, Nicky will be wondering where I am."

"You missed your skating time."

He sounded so concerned. I laughed, he was too perfect.

"Hey don't worry about it."

I made my way back up the steps I had come down.

"Wait..."

I suddenly realised I didn't know who I was talking to so I turned round.

"What's your name?"

"Alexei Yagudin."

"Right, mine's..."

He finished my sentence for me.

"Catherine Jensen."

"Yeah."

I ran out of the rink and got into my car, back home to Nicky. But I couldn't help thinking about this man, no child. He was practically a child and yet there was something about him that made you think again, and I couldn't explain it.

Temptation Part 4

******************

I drove home slowly. Very slowly. There is so much traffic in New Jersey! Actually today I was glad of it. I could sit and think about my day. It was a strange day. I spent all day with someone I don't know, well I do now but oh you know what I mean. This Alexei Yagudin, who probably won't amount to anything in figure skating, chose to spend the day with me. Sure, he seems to want to succeed but he's just a kid and he probably won't put the work in. I came to all sorts of conclusions on that drive of who he is and what he's like. All the time getting further and further away from the truth for he was to prove me wrong.

I got home to find Nicky out. Where was he? I went into the kitchen for something to eat, I was so hungry. Well I would be, I spent all day sat in the rink. Just as I took the spicy chicken, I had a craving for, out of the oven, Nicky walked in with take-away.

"Where have you been?"

"Well, I waited for you after making another list of names. You were gone all day and then I realised you would have to be back soon because the rink closes at 8pm. I didn't wanna cook and I knew you wouldn't so I got take-away."

"Sorry sweetie, I didn't realise I was gone that long. What did you get?"

"Chinese."

I smiled at him, the smell of my favourite spicy chicken rose out of the bag he held. He knew, he always knew what to get. We sat and ate, while I went through his list crossing off the names I didn't like.

"Nicky, do you want a girl or a boy?"

"I don't mind, as long as it's ours."

He is so sweet. I made the best choice for a husband. Of course my parents disapproved, they always do. I always got 'why don't you marry Paul? Such a nice boy. That way you won't have to keep running between them'. They made me so mad. They still think I married Nicky out of spite towards them. Anyway I don't care, I love Nicky so much and we're married now with a baby on the way, so what can they do about it?

I'm scared though. As well as a baby growing inside me, I have a new feeling growing inside me too. A new kind of love, some would say it's maternal. I think it's for Alexei. I don't know what it is about this kid. I keep mentioning he's a kid, don't I? Well he is, but he has this way of making you see more about him than his age. Why does he do it to me? Why does he give me this feeling?

Temptation Part 5

*****************

I didn't go to the rink for a long time. Nicky and I have been very busy buying new baby things and stuff for the room. It's been 3 months since I saw Alexei and I still remember every word he said to me. I'm 6 months pregnant and it takes all my energy to move around, so skating's out of the question for a while.

I miss him, what am I saying? I spent one day with him and yet he seems like a friend. Besides I got Nicky, so I don't need to be getting all these new feelings that are inside me. Maybe it's a side effect of being pregnant, and maybe it's just me being selfish.

Nicky is still making lists. He buys a new book everywhere he see one. I asked him one day why and he answered, 'so we get the perfect name for a perfect child'. I hope he doesn't expect too much of our baby. Actually I think it's a boy, I'm not sure why I just do. I'd rather have a boy than a girl. Does that make me sound horrible? I hope not, it's just I never had a brother, so I'd rather have a boy and then a girl. He kicks too much as well. I call him a 'he', but he might not be. Where was I? Oh yeah, he kicks too much, like all the time I'm sleeping. It hurts too! That's why I think he's a boy, very strong legs. And strange food habits! I keep craving disgusting things like fish, I hate fish. But even worse I have to eat it with dark chocolate.

Well as I said earlier, I hadn't seen Alexei for about 3 months. I was in the park with my friend and her little girl, who's four now, she's beautiful. We were sat talking, while Megan fed the ducks, when I had a strange feeling. I turned to see Alexei walking alone in a world of his own. For some reason it hurt. It was probably best that he hadn't seen me. I looked terrible and the less time I spent with him the better. He wouldn't have known I was there, except Megan fell in the water and he heard the splash. Immediately he was in the water after her with Louise, her mother. They pulled her out and Louise thanked Alexei, she turned to me and told me she was taking Megan to the doctor as a precaution. That was when he saw me for the first time since that day. When Louise had gone with Megan he sat beside me on the bench, where I had plopped rather than sat. I was as large as a beach whale! Well that's the way it felt.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"You're showing."

He motioned his head towards my stomach. The floppy bits of his hair falling into his eyes, so pretty for a man.

"Yeah, too much if you ask me."

He laughed.

"Don't laugh at me, I look awful."

"You don't. How are you anyway? I haven't seen you in so long. You're never at the rink."

"I'm good. I can't really skate with all the extra baggage, and Nicky and I have been preparing for junior to join us. How are you?"

"Oh you know, living the life of a skater. Busy with practice and programs and stuff. I see Paul at the rink quite often. It gets kinda lonely travelling the road to success on my own though."

There he was again with the determination that he was going to win and succeed.

"I was lucky I had Paul."

"No, you were lucky you had Nicky."

That's when I realised what he meant. He didn't want a skating partner, he wanted a partner.

Temptation Part 6

*****************

Was that why he spent time with me? Just incase there was a slight chance of returning his feelings? Whoa, wait a minute Catherine, back up here. Did I just say returning his feelings? Do I even know if he has any? NO! What is going on in my head at all?

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said, are you ok? You look far away. Do you want me to leave?"

"No of course not Alexei, I was just thinking but it's not important."

"Oh, ok."

There was an awkward silence, like when you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

"I've been hoping to see you again since that day."

Of all the things I was expecting to hear, that was not one of them.

"You have?"

"Yeah, for that day you let me be me. Everybody thinks I'm a child or I'm dumb and I can't understand what I'm doing. Tatiana lets me be me, but she's my coach. You're..."

"Like you? Someone who's been there? Someone who knows what it feels like?"

"Exactly. I can't imagine not ever skating."

"I didn't. I think that made it harder for me to retire. Now I got junior though, and Nicky of course."

"Yeah, Nicky. Lucky guy."

He looked at me with penetrating blue eyes; that seemed to want to go inside me and discover what I was thinking.

"Alexei..."

"Call me Lyosha, that's what my friends call me. My best friends."

Without realising it, he was making this so much harder than it had to be.

"Lyosha...why did you want to see me again?"

"I told you, because I feel comfortable around you. I want to get to know you better. Is that ok?"

Well it would be if you didn't make my heart flutter like some stupid schoolgirl.

"I'm married, with a baby on the way, I'm a lot older than you. What have we to talk about except skating? Which I don't do any more."

"Well...erm...there's..."

"There's nothing. What do you want from me? Whatever it is are you sure I can give it?"

"I don't know what I want."

He buried his head in his hands, hiding that beautiful face.

"Lyosha, you want love. I see it all over your face. But you don't want that from me, do you?"

"Since the first time I saw you skate, I have been compelled to get to know you. You are beautiful on the ice as well as off it. I don't know if I need love, but when I look at you I get the strangest feeling in my stomach that I'm missing out on something. I don't wanna lose the chance to explore that feeling."

"I'm married aren't you listening to me? I can't give you anything but friendship."

"If you want to give it, you can."

"Do you know I want to?"

"Your eyes say you do."

"Don't pretend to know me, or be able to read and understand me because you'll be sorely disappointed. If I feel anything, and I'm not saying I do, but if I did what then? I love Nicky and I'm having his child."

"That doesn't have to get in the way!"

He was so innocent, imagining the perfect world with just him, and me.

"But it does, it's already in the way and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing."

I looked at him and opened my mouth and shut it again. Turning my head away from his, he caught my hand.

"See, even you are tempted. Please don't walk away from this."

"Lyosha, I'm sorry."

I stood up and walked away from this dangerous temptation that kept getting stronger.

Temptation Part 7

****************

I tried to leave the park as quickly as I could but I got tired so quickly. I knew he was running after me, but I couldn't go any faster. I reached the gates and stopped to catch my breath, then I felt something move inside me. Alexei caught up with me and saw the panicked look on my face.

"What is it, what's wrong?"

"I think my waters have broken."

"What, here?"

"It's too early, it's too soon, I need to get to the hospital."

Alexei rang for an ambulance on his cell phone while I called Nicky.

We got to hospital, Alexei with me all the way. Then suddenly he was gone. One minute he was by my side and then not. I waited as patiently as possible through all that PAIN for Nicky. Where was he? Just when I thought I was gonna die, his head was there next to mine whispering hello.

Through 14 hours of excruciating pain and passing in and out of consciousness he held my hand. Finally it was over. They said we had a little boy and then he was taken to the incubator near the bed so he could be monitored. He was very early, they weren't sure if he was gonna make it. I lay and watched my little man in the incubator fighting for his life. Apart from being early he was ok. I couldn't help but cry, he was so tiny and beautiful, and nameless.

"Catherine, I brought my list."

I smiled at Nicky and then replied

"We don't need a list he's Nicholas Benjamin Jensen just like his daddy."

Nicky smiled and kissed my head then we watched our tiny gift from God as he lay sleeping.

I asked a nurse to see if Alexei was waiting outside but she said there was no one waiting for maternity. Where had he gone?

*****************************************

Alexei had felt that he was involved with something he shouldn't be. This was Nicky's moment not his. He left the hospital and went to the rink. He could think clearly there.

*****************************************

It's three weeks since my little man came into the world and we can take him home today! For three weeks Nicky has been decorating the nursery and he told me yesterday that it's finished. I haven't left the hospital since lil Nicky was born, his daddy has spent as much free time as he has here in between the decorating. Wouldn't you think that Alexei had been to see me as well? Well he hasn't. Actually I'm not surprised after the park. I was horrible to him but what else could I say? Yeah sure, why not, Nicky won't mind. It's such a mess, I hope he's ok.

*****************************************

Lil Nicky is asleep in the beautiful blue room that Nicky has made for him. He looks so tiny in the cot, just like his dad. He's the spitting image of his dad. Tomorrow we're gonna introduce him to Nicky's parents. Mine aren't interested, but I don't care. If they don't want us then we don't want them.

*****************************************

Today was wonderful, lil Nicky was as good as gold. He was fussed over by half the family and he didn't cry once. Except when he was hungry, perfect timing he has as well. As soon as I sat him down to feed him, he cried for it, lovely!

*****************************************

Despite yesterday being so good, you just knew it wouldn't last. Nicky had to go to work, so I put lil Nicky in the pram and decided to go to the rink to see if Paul was there. We've been friends for years so it's only right that he sees lil Nicky. Actually I wanna ask him to be godfather at the christening. I wanna see Alexei as well. He just disappeared that day so I wanna check he's ok.

Paul was there. As soon as we walked in I picked lil Nicky up and went to the edge of the ice. He was wrapped up warmly, thank God.

"Hey Catherine, so this is your little guy, huh?"

"Yep, Nicky junior."

I was as proud as punch of my little man.

"He's beautiful."

"Thanks, hey do you wanna do me a favour. Well an honour really."

"Sure."

"Will you be godfather at the christening?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you."

"Of course I will."

He hugged me across the barrier and kinda squeezed Nicky too.

"Hey, be careful, you can't try kill him yet."

Paul laughed.

"Hey, can I hold him?"

"Sure, just get off the ice first."

Paul came off the ice and took Nicky from me. At the same time Alexei stepped onto the ice and proceeded with his program. He didn't even look our way.

Of course he didn't idiot, what do you expect from him?

Although it's June, there's a strange coldness in New Jersey.

Temptation Part 8

*****************

I stood up, I had to talk to him.

"I thought you'd be here!"

I groaned, Louise ran down the steps to where we were sat. I looked at her and forced a smile. But she wasn't interested in me. She was fussing over lil Nicky with Paul. I realised they made quite a cute couple. Alexei didn't look our way. Not even when he'd finished his practice and left the ice. Paul went to finish his practice and Louise left to pick up Megan.

"I'll be at yours later, ok?"

"What? Erm yeah, sure."

I was too busy wondering whether to go to the changing room and wait for Alexei.

I sat and waited in the stuffy changing room. This way he'd have to pass me to leave the arena. I took Nicky's coat off and dropped my jacket with it. That child is smiling constantly, he's so beautiful. He was attempting to laugh when Alexei emerged from the shower, towel draped around his hips.

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you. We need to talk. You left the other night without even saying goodbye."

He didn't answer me.

"What's his name?"

"Nicky."

Alexei rolled his eyes.

"I should have known."

Inside he was thinking he should have known all along that it was always gonna be Nicky, never him. He moved around the other side of the lockers to get dressed. I still waited. Looking dark and moody but beautiful in black he came back into my view and sat opposite me; just looking.

"What is it you wanna talk about?"

"Us."

"No, there is no us remember?"

"Lyosha..."

"Don't Lyosha me, I know that you've got Nicky and the baby but what about me? What have I got?"

He sounded so helpless, it made me mad.

"You, you've got everything! You've got your whole career and life ahead of you and yet you sit there as if that's all been taken away from you because you got turned down once. Grow up!"

He looked so hurt and immediately I regretted everything I'd just said. Grabbing his bag Alexei got up to leave. I stopped him at the door of the changing room.

"Wait, look I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that. It's just...there's nothing else I can do. I can't help you."

"You already do."

I raised my head to look at his heart-stopping eyes. So clear and true.

"What?"

"I said you already do. Just by being in my thoughts."

I wanted to smile but I had to keep thinking about Nicky and now lil Nicky who was getting heavier in my arms. I lowered my head ashamed of the pain I was causing without meaning to. I felt his fingers under my chin lifting my head again. He moved his hand to my cheek running his fingers over the outline of my face and I didn't care. At that minute all that existed in the world was me and him. And then it happened. His mouth over mine, my body trembled, as I tasted his perfect taste. The kiss grew more demanding and I didn't try to stop him. It had taken so long to get here and I didn't wanna stop. However, lil Nicky did. He burst into the loudest fit of tears he ever had, Alexei pulled his head back and laughed.

"I guess that means we're finished...for now."

Temptation Part 9

****************

Just like that he left. I sat down with Nicky still in my arms. I had just done the one thing I despised most in the world. I had betrayed my love. For the first time I felt helplessness over the situation I was in. How could I do that?

The rink was full when I left for home. I drove home, Nicky beside me, as quickly as I could. Before I'd even turned the engine off, Nicky flew out of the house to greet us. I felt my body thud as I pulled him into me. I had to hold him, to secretly let him know I was sorry.

"Hey, what's the tears for?"

"I don't know, I just..."

There was no way I could finish my sentence. I watched as father and son had a moment of their own.

With the baby in one arm and my hand in the other, Nicky took us inside. I felt horrible. How that kiss happened I'll never know, and I can't let it happen again. I can't.

*****************************************

"Now, Junior's asleep so why don't you tell me what's on your mind?"

"What? There's nothing on my mind. I'm just tired is all."

"Oh yeah, because I believe that. I've known you forever and loved you twice as long. I know when something's not right, but I don't know what's not right. I'm not that goodyet."

A mischievous smile came across his face making him look like...like a...goblin. I know that's a stupid description but that's what he looked like.

"I said, it's nothing."

"You've never kept anything from me before, why start now?"

"There's some things that just aren't meant to be shared."

"We're married, we're supposed to share everything. It doesn't matter what it is."

"I wouldn't be so sure if I was you."

"Whatever it is I can help you."

"No you can't, even if I wanted you to, you just can't."

"Why not?"

"Because if you knew, it would do a lot of damage. That's something I'm not willing to risk."

"And you don't think there's gonna be any damage if you hide it."

"Not as much no."

"You're wrong."

"Believe me Nicky, I'm not."

He turned his head to look through the house from where he was sat. A strand of his hair fell across his eye. I moved my hand to fix it but he pulled away. That one little resistance hurt so much.

"Why'd you move?"

"Because...I just did."

"Nicky, look at me. I'm sorry that I can't tell you but it's better that way. I know it is, you have to trust me."

"How can I when you're hiding something that's important enough to have you thinking about it all night. Whatever it is, it concerns both of us. We're parents, we can't hide things for Juniors sake."

I started to get angry now, at myself for what I did. At him for not accepting it was better if he didn't know. If I'd kept my temper, maybe things would have turned out differently, but my tongue was always too fast for my head to keep up.

"You wanna know? You really wanna know?"

"Yes, I've been telling you that for an hour."

"Well don't say I didn't warn you."

"You don't have to warn me, I can cope with whatever it is."

"I did something today and I'm not proud of it. But I did it and I can't take it back."

"Did what?"

"I..."

How could I break his heart? I was gonna chicken out, but that look that flashed across his face for just a second was enough to make me want to hurt him. He looked at me with such disgust before he even knew what I was gonna say.

"I kissed somebody."

"Who?"

His voice was quiet and steady.

"A guy from the rink, I've known him quite a while now but it's never happened before and it won't happen again. I don't know why it happened it just did but..."

The phone rang. Nicky quick as lightning picked it up. It was Louise apologising for not coming to the house but Megan had a cold and she wanted her warm indoors. Nicky told her not to worry because now's not a good time anyway. He put the phone down and turned to face me. Steadily, that same severe look on his face, he said

"Get out."

Temptation Part 10

*****************

"What?"

"Get out, I don't want you here?"

In a way I'd been expecting that but it still hurt.

"What about the baby?"

"He's staying here with me."

Nicky shut and locked the door behind me; for the first time in my life I was alone so I went to the only place I felt safe.

The rink was closed but the manager knew me so I was let in. I still had some clothes in my old locker so I got changed and put on the music from one of my old programs. I used to be a singles skater but Paul and I were asked to do a program for an exhibition and we worked so well together, the rest is history. The classical music flowed out through the arena and I slid over the ice remembering every element to the program from so long ago. It was so peaceful and calming, all my pent up emotion and anger was released onto the ice with every jump, spin, turn. I was doing so well, considering that I was crying and couldn't see my path clearly. The most difficult element of the program was looming. A triple, triple, double combination; an element that I could perform with my eyes closed back in the day. The tears clouded my view and so I didn't see the board was closer to me than I thought. I didn't see it until I flew into it. I fell to the ice awkwardly on my back. I knew how to fall but I wasn't expecting this. Lying there, my leg twisted grotesquely underneath me, my back and head banging from the impact of the ice; my last thoughts were of Nicky and our son.

Temptation Part 11

*****************

Paul and Alexei arrived at the rink at the same time. In the changing room they tossed a coin to see who got the ice first. Paul won, he left Alexei to finish getting ready and went for his practice.

"ALEXEI, GET OUT HERE NOW!"

Alexei rushed out of the changing room to Paul's side, his eyes darted round trying to see what was wrong. Then he saw her, Catherine lying there unconscious, her music stopped playing hours ago. They both skated across the ice to get to her. Her leg was twisted horribly but the bone couldn't be seen. There was a slight trickle of blood down the left side of her head.

"Oh my God."

"Paul, don't just stand there get an ambulance!"

Paul went to the telephone in the changing rooms. Alexei just sat there not knowing what to do.

"Catherine, you gotta wake up, you gotta get up. Please, what am I supposed to do without you? Please my Catherine, my Lady Cath-er-ine."

He separated each syllable of her name to make it last longer.

Paul left in the ambulance with Catherine, Alexei had decided to brave Nicky and give him the news.

*****************************************

"Oh for God's sake, I'm trying to feed my son! Leave me alone!"

Nicky went to answer the door.

"Yes."

"My name's Alexei, I'm a friend of Catherine's from the rink..."

"You, it's you isn't it?"

"Yeah it's me, like I said..."

"No I mean it's you who kissed her. You've come here for her but you can leave, she's not here."

"You gotta listen to me..."

"I don't have to do anything, get out of here."

"No, if you could just listen..."

"I don't have to listen to you."

"SHUT UP AND LISTEN FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!"

"How dare you come to my home and scream at me."

"DO YOU WANT TO HERE THIS OR NOT?"

"No."

"Catherine's in the hospital. She went to the rink last night and never left. Paul and I found her this morning. She is seriously injured. You gotta come to the hospital with me. That's why I'm here."

*****************************************

Nicky and Alexei got to the hospital, lil Nicky was with Louise. They asked a nurse where she was and she directed them. Paul was waiting outside her room for them.

"They won't tell me anything. They're operating on her or something."

"This is all my fault, if I hadn't thrown her out last night..."

"Wait a minute, you threw her out of the house last night?"

"Yeah."

"You fool, she was so upset she probably lost concentration and that's when she fell. If she's..."

"She's what? Dead, what are you gonna do, kill me?"

"Don't start with me."

"Why you..."

Nicky pulled his arm back and punched Alexei cleanly on the jaw. Blood trickled down his mouth.

"You can hit me all you like, but I won't feel any worse. The woman I love is lying in there and I don't know if she's dead."

"She's my wife, it doesn't matter if you love her, because she's mine."

"Guys please, stop this. You fighting isn't helping you, me or her. So shut up and sit down the pair of you."

Nicky and Alexei sat at either side of Paul. The three men she loved most in the world waiting for her. The blond haired blue-eyed Russian figure skater. The black haired brown-eyed pairs figure skater. The blond haired blue-eyed husband and father. Each thinking their different thoughts about what life would be like without her. If only she knew how much love was waiting for her in the world. It might make her fight to stay alive that little bit more.

*****************************************

"Mr Jensen?"

Nicky stood up. Paul and Alexei looked terrified. The doctor walked Nicky a little way down the corridor.

"She's stable, for the time being. There is concussion in her head from where she banged it, but nothing more serious there. Her leg is broken but will heal. It's the other injury we're most concerned with."

"The other injury?"

"Yes, although her leg will heal she won't be able to use it..."

"What do you mean?"

"She banged her back hard, at the base of the spine causing nerve damage to her legs."

"Which means?"

"Mr Jensen, your wife isn't going to walk again. I am sorry."

The doctor walked away. Paul and Alexei looked at him as if waiting for an answer but he ignored them. Nicky fell to the floor in tears. The others were at his side in an instant.

"Nicky, what did he say, is she ok?"

"Oh Paul, she's...she's..."

"She's what? Tell us. Why do the Americans insist on dragging out the suspense?"

"She's not gonna walk again."

Those five words hit Paul and Alexei hard in the stomach. It would have been better if she had died. How could she cope in a wheelchair?

Temptation Part 11

*****************

A nurse came out of Catherine's room.

"You can see her one at a time."

Nicky went in first. She was sleeping, her leg and chest in a cast. There was a bandage around her head as well where it had made contact with the ice. He sat beside her, just looking, blaming himself. For five minutes Nicky watched his wife and then realised that sitting there wasn't going to take it back and he couldn't do anything about the past.

Paul went in next. He told her that he was busy still skating for fun and that he was gonna be a coach. He told her that she might wanna help him sometimes when he was really busy with his champions.

When Paul left her room, Nicky had gone. He couldn't stand being in the hospital so he went to Louise's for his son.

Alexei visited her last. The sight of her lying there brought tears to his eyes. She looked so small in that huge chest cast, her leg raised. He sat beside her and took her hand in his.

"Hey, you're gonna be ok now. I...we found you in time so you're gonna be ok. You're gonna get out of here and you're gonna skate again and make lots more babies and be happy. Just don't give up, don't think you can't walk because you can. You're a skater, we can do anything. I'll help you, I'll do whatever I can in between my practice time and shows and competitions and stuff. Even if Nicky don't wanna help you, I will. You just gotta try, my Lady Cath-er-ine, you gotta try. Please talk to me. Don't lie there, talk to me. Tell me everything's ok and that you're fine."

As he spoke to her, his tears fell to the floor creating a small puddle by his feet, his hand still holding hers. There was a slight tremor in her hand. Her fingers moved slightly, but they moved. Alexei sat up and looked at her as her eyes opened ever so slowly.

*****************************************

"Hey...where am I?"

"You're in the hospital, you had an accident at the rink, do you remember?"

"Yeah...where's Nicky?"

"He went home."

"He did? Oh well he must...have had good reason."

"Stop talking, just rest."

"Alexei, I can't feel my legs."

All of a sudden, the powers of speech returned to me.

"No, I know sweetie, it's ok."

The nurse came in to the room.

"So you're awake, this is good. Now you can start recovering."

*****************************************

It's been three weeks since my accident. I try to walk every day against the doctors advice but I can't give up. I haven't made two steps yet. Paul visits me all the time, as does Lyosha when he gets chance. Nicky hasn't been to see me though.

Paul had just left and Nicky came in. I smiled at him but he looked cold.

"The doctor says you can go home at the weekend."

"Yep, isn't it great? I'll be back with you and Junior soon."

"I don't want you in the house."

"What?"

"You still hurt me, and I don't think I can get over that."

"Where am I supposed to go? For three weeks I've been trying to walk and I can't make more than one step. How can I work? How can I look after Nicky? I need your help. It'll be like before, you work and I stay at home."

"Catherine, my Lady Cath-er-ine..."

I shuddered as he used the name Lyosha gave me so many times before.

"Louise is helping me. Megan and her have moved in with me."

"What?"

I couldn't believe it.

"Well, since her husband died, Louise has been alone and I need help with Nicky in the day. It works out best for everyone."

"He's my son, and it's my home."

"He is your son, and we'll go to court to sort that out after the divorce. I love Louise."

"You're divorcing me for one kiss, one temptation where I gave in and fighting me for custody of my son? All the time you're living with her, behind my back? That's adultery Nicky, I don't believe you could do this to me."

"I brought the papers, you just gotta sign them."

He put the papers on the bed in front of me and handed me a pen.

A single tear rolled down my cheek as I signed away life, as I knew it.

Temptation Part 13

*****************

Their contact with Catherine had brought Paul and Alexei together. They became good friends, with her best interests at both their hearts. It was a good friendship.

*****************************************

Paul arrived at the rink, it was getting late. Alexei should have finished his practice by now. Where was he? They were meeting there to go to the hospital together. Catherine was being released tomorrow. That makes her sound like a criminal, doesn't it? There he was, running up the stairs, hair wet from the shower.

"Sorry I'm late, Tatiana wouldn't let me go early."

"That's ok, but if we don't go now we'll not get to see her."

Alexei got into his car and led off to the hospital, Paul close behind.

*****************************************

They walked into my room; I was sleeping so I didn't know they were there. The chest cast still on me. Although I could go home tomorrow, that had to stay on a while longer. My leg was healing perfectly, but even with the help of the casts I couldn't make two steps. It didn't look good for my walking.

Paul picked up the sheet of paper from my bed and read aloud the scrawl to Alexei.

"They say everything happens for a reason, but they don't know the reasons. They can't give comfort because they don't know what to say. Who are they anyway? Is it Nicky? Is it Louise? Or is it people who genuinely care? Paul, and Lyosha. Nicky said he cared but he doesn't. He's gonna fight me for my son. How can they decide who our son should be with? He's just a baby, he needs me and Nicky. What am I gonna do? I can't walk, so I can't work. I'm going home tomorrow but I don't have a home to go to. Nicky has Louise and Megan in my home. I have friends but I can't depend on them all the time, I need to help myself. How can I? I don't feel my legs, I don't feel anything. No pain, no worry, just nothing. I, who am...was a figure skater feel nothing. We're not supposed to do that. We feel every emotion ever experienced because that's our job. I can't do that any more. I feel nothing. For the first time in my life I feel helplessness. There is no one who can understand and no one who can help. For the sake of my son, what can I do?"

Alexei sat saying nothing, no emotion on his face. Paul was enraged.

"How can he do that to her. She has no home, no family. Her son is gonna be taken away from her for Christs sake!"

"Paul, what can you do, huh?"

My head turned to look at him. He was expecting Alexei to answer but I did.

"Nicky has made his choice of her. I'm gonna get out of here tomorrow and sort out a lawyer to help me get my little man back."

"How can you though? You said so yourself, you have no home. You can't work, do you think they're gonna trust you with a child? Even if he is your son, they'll give him to Nicky."

"No, they won't because you gotta help me. You too Lyosha. I need my friends now more than ever."

Alexei looked at me for the first time that night.

"You can move in with me."

"What?"

"You can move in with me, I'll help you get a lawyer and we'll get the baby back. I can support you financially and it'll work out like that."

I was not expecting that. If anything I was expecting Alexei to say something. He just sat there not sure where to look.

"Thank you Paul."

I smiled at him, thankful but wishing it was Alexei. Paul was my best friend, but I loved Alexei. I have this strange love for him, the temptation is there even now to kiss him. But he won't say anything, he sits there looking stupid. That is if an angel can look stupid.

"What do you think, Alexei?"

"I think that'll be best. Paul and you have known each other for years. You'll get Nicky back."

"No I mean...I don't know what I mean."

Paul sensed that there was something going on.

"I'm gonna get coffee. Do you want coffee? I'll get coffee. Wait, I don't like coffee, I'll get tea. I'll just get out of here."

He walked out laughing at his own awkwardness.

"Alexei, why don't you say anything?"

"I did."

Short evasive answers.

"I need your help, please don't make this any harder for me."

"You think this is easy for me? I can't bear to see you here, and now he does this. But what can I do? I'm at the start of my career, and I have too many commitments already. I know that sounds selfish, but Paul is better to look after you than me. Besides it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for that kiss."

"Don't blame yourself, I wanted that kiss. That kiss saved me from a life with him."

"But I do blame myself. You do want a life with him, he's your husband. The father of your son. My dear sweet Lady Cath-er-ine, the mess you're in is my fault. I'm helpless to stop it and I can't even help it, but I want to do it all over again. If given the chance to go back in time I would still kiss you. Knowing what I know now, I still would do it."

"That's love."

"No, that's childish stupidity."

"But, I would do it again. Just one temptation, one kiss and it felt so right."

"But it was so wrong."

"Prove it."

"How do I do that?"

"Kiss me again and tell me it means nothing."

"That's stupid."

"Do it or I'll call a nurse and get you thrown out."

The expression on my face turned to a grin. My first smile in days.

"You wouldn't dare."

He smiled now, perfection across his face.

"You wanna bet?"

"No."

He stood up, moved to the bed. His ice-blue eyes looking in to me. Leaning down, his eyes watching my mouth; I felt something. I felt passion. Once again his perfect taste filled my mouth as he kissed me. His hand caressing my face, the other propping him up.

"Ahem."

Paul stood in the door, looking amused but not surprised.

"Tea, and coffee. I got both just in case. But I see you're not interested, so I'm gonna split."

He walked over to me and kissed my head.

"I'll be here tomorrow to move you into my place. Then I'll go to Nicky's and get your stuff."

"Bye Paul, and thank you."

He smiled, motioned his head to Alexei and left.

"Now where were we?"

"Drinking tea."

"What?"

He picked up the tea and started to sip it slowly.

"I can't believe you. Here's me in the hospital needing tlc and you want tea. Men are so annoying."

"I have it on very good authority that women are more annoying."

"Prove it."

"Well, for weeks, no months you tormented me. I wanted you so long and it never happened. Then when I finally do get a tiny little kiss, your baby starts crying and messes it up. Then you end up in here. Now tell me that's not annoying."

"Well I'm sorry, if my life didn't fit with your plans."

"So you should be."

He was so matter-of-fact.

"Mr Yagudin, you have to leave now."

The nurse spoiled our fun. I groaned. Alexei smirked.

"I'll be here tomorrow, I got the day off specially so I'll help you and Paul, ok?"

"Yeah."

He gave me a soft kiss and left.

Maybe things weren't going to be so bad after all.

Temptation Part 14

*****************

The next few months passed in a blur. As promised Paul and Lyosha took me home, my new home. Alexei stayed with me while Paul went for my stuff from Nicky's.

In between Alexei's practice on the ice, my doctors appointments for my back and legs and Paul's work, we managed to get a battle ready. My lawyer was the best we could find for cases like these and we spent many a late night organising all kinds of answers and opportunities to show Nicky would be better off with me. The divorce was pushed through quickly; Nicky's parents did that. I heard that on the day before I left the hospital, Nicky and Louise got the baby christened without telling me. She was the godmother and his brother was the godfather, I was so angry. Nicky knew how much that meant to me. I'll get my son if it's the last thing I do.

Christmas, New Year, all have passed us by. I haven't seen my little man since that day when... well you know what day I mean. It's now the beginning of March. Lyosha has to leave for the Worlds three days after court. I'm glad he's gonna be here, I need his support. It's the same as it always was between us. I know there's a lot of messed up feelings and stuff, we just haven't gotten round to sitting down and talking about what we want. I doubt we ever will, there's a big age difference and now my accident. There's nothing to say that we should be together, but there's always that temptation lingering.

*****************************************

It's finally here, judgement day. I tried to look as good as I could, I had to make the right impression. Paul and Alexei were there with me of course. It seemed like days while we waited for them to call us in. Nicky had somehow managed it so that I didn't get a glimpse of the baby until we were in the courtroom. He was in Louise's arms, Megan by her side. Good as gold, just like always no tears or sound from his little lungs. Perfect. I didn't really pay much attention to what was being said around me. Does that sound horrible? I just wanted my baby back. When asked a question I answered as I had been told to. The right answers for the right questions. For a day we sat in that hot stuffy room waiting while some bald-headed ignoramus of a judge decided who would be better to look after my son. Nicky, of course, had the best lawyer his parents could buy and it seemed to be quite difficult for Harvey Kale to get across his point against that bitch of a woman Nicky hired. He tried his best all day, all day he fought as if Nicky were his son. Harvey was one of the old school lawyers, though he himself was quite young. Leave the children with the mother was his way of thinking. Luckily for me, that was what I wanted. Nicky's lawyer really made it sound like all of me was paralysed, not just my legs. I was "incapable of looking after a baby. Therefore, unable to provide for him financially because I couldn't work and emotionally because I was in a chair 24/7". Harvey came back with the fact that I had help from Paul who was financially taking care of me as well as emotionally. Therefore I had the free time required to look after Nicky. I didn't need my legs to feed or clothe him, so there was no problem. It was a stressful day; my head was banging so hard. I keep getting headaches because of all this stressing about court. Parcetamol and painkillers form a regular part of my diet now. But that's not important, what is important is what the judge is saying.

"Blah de blah de blah..."

He's just giving the "parents shouldnt be here" lecture. I wish he'd just tell us his decision, I need my son.

"After reviewing the case it has come to my attention that Nicky Junior would be better off living with his father. Therefore I grant full parental rights to Mr Jensen. Ms Jensen has access every second weekend. That is all."

The words hit me harder than when I fell in to the ice. It was like someone had told me I couldn't have access to air. Nicky was my reason for living. He was why I hadn't given up in that hospital. Poor Harvey Kale looked inconsolable. He was sure we were gonna win. Paul and Lyosha were by my side trying to say anything that would help. I turned around to see Nicky kiss Louise and then take my son from her. He held my little man in one arm, the other around his new family. There were tears of relief down his face. Almost as if he knew what had happened, Nicky junior started crying. Paul was at his side asking him to let me hold Nicky for just a minute. He refused with "we really have to go now". He's gonna go to hell for what he's done to me.

Is what I did so wrong that he does this to me?

Temptation Part 15

*****************

Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Today wasn't much better.

I went to the doctors to have my cast taken off. I felt so much lighter and more comfortable. Not that it's all that comfortable sitting in the same chair all day. The doctor told me that as I'm paralysed from the waist down; I can't have any more children. That made yesterday so much worse.

On top of all that Alexei is leaving for the Worlds tomorrow. He's not gonna be here for his birthday. Hopefully the best birthday present he will receive will be his second world title. If he can hold off the competition, which I'm sure he will.

Harvey has been trying to convince me to appeal the decision made by the judge. We could ask for a different judge and get a second ruling, but there's no point. No judge is gonna let a cripple look after a baby. I'll see my son a week on Saturday. He can spend the night with me but I have to have him home by 2pm Sunday afternoon. Then it's every other weekend after that. It's so unfair.

Paul is at the rink with his new class. He started coaching today. Over the past couple of weeks he's been recruiting kids who want to learn. He amazes me, he managed to get a class of fifteen in between all my problems with the court. He'll make a great coach.

I'm at home alone, my thoughts running between my son and Alexei. It's been weird between us. It seems like he doesn't wanna talk to me. Maybe it's because he's leaving tomorrow. Maybe it's because his feelings weren't what they used to be or what he thought they were. Maybe it's because he feels responsible for what's happened. All I know is two kisses have changed my life forever and I will never regret that. He has showed me there are so many different ways to love someone, which I thought was impossible. This young man, practically still a child is the best thing (besides my son) to come in to my life. I just wish he'd give me the chance to tell him.

As always he never let me down.

*****************************************

I'm sat watching daytime TV, which is great! I hate daytime TV, boring! The doorbell goes. The door is the most awkward position for me to get to but I struggle down the hallway to open it. He's stood there, looking beautiful as always in black. He helped me back down the hallway in to the living room.

"Hey Alexei."

"Hi."

"Are you ok?"

"Do we really have to go through the small talk?"

"I guess not. What is it you want?"

"Well I'm leaving tomorrow as you know and I..."

"You what?"

"Oh I don't know. I just had to talk to you before I left. I have to know where I stand. I have to know what's going on between us. If there even is an us."

"You know I'm older than you?"

"Yeah."

"You know I'm in this chair for the rest of my days?"

"Yeah."

"You know I can't have any more children?"

"Yeah."

"And you're still interested?"

"Yeah."

"Are you really that perfect?"

"Believe me I'm not perfect. Far from it. I have way too short a temper, I get really irritable, I'm not brilliant or smart or good looking..."

"Ok, I get the picture. But you're wrong. Your temper shows you're passionate; you're irritable because you like everything to be perfect in its place, you finished school second from top, and you're beautiful. And that word can't be used for a man all that often."

He looked at me with his sad, helpless look. You know the one, where you just wanna look after him forever so he doesn't get hurt.

"How can you be so happy after what life has brought your way?"

"Because I have love. I have Paul and..."

I wanted to say 'you' but that's assuming far too much.

"my friends."

"Do I fit in to that category?"

"Do you want to?"

"No. I want to be part of the 'who you love' category."

"I do love you, you're my friend."

"No, I mean who you love with everything you are. Like a...a..."

"A what?"

"A partner."

"Do you wanna be my partner, only I can't skate any more."

I had to make a joke of it, even if it wasn't very good. I was so scared that Alexei would be my last chance of happiness because of my state.

"I wanna be your partner off the ice."

He moved to crouch in front of me.

"Do you remember in the park when I told you that I felt like I was missing out on something?"

"Uh huh."

"I'm not missing that any more. I have it right here in front of me. You all to myself."

"Are you sure?"

I had to be positive.

"Yep, now my Lady Cath-er-ine, kiss me."

"Why?"

"Because I asked you to."

"Oh, ok."

I leaned down near his face. Our mouths formed together and once again I gave in to the temptation that was Alexei. This guy was gonna break so many hearts. When the kiss was over he perched on the end of the sofa looking at me with his amazing blue eyes.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"It'll only be a week or so and then you'll be back."

"I know but that's too long."

"At least you'll be here when I see Nicky."

"Are you gonna appeal?"

"No, what's the point?"

"He's your son, that's the point. Besides, now you can tell them that I'm helping you as well as Paul."

"Maybe I will, I don't know."

"Come out with me."

"Where?"

"I don't care anywhere. As long as it's just us. I want our last night to be special."

"It's only our first night. Anyway I can't go out in this, I look...well...paralysed. I'm a figure skater, we're supposed to look glamorous and graceful."

"I don't care what other people think. You shouldn't either. Please?"

"Oh alright. But not for long."

"Good, I'm taking you for dinner."

I think he would have preferred sushi, but we went for French instead. It was a beautiful restaurant and the food was great. But I couldn't help feeling self conscious about my chair. When dinner was over, which he insisted on paying for, even though I kicked up a fuss; he took me back to his home. Alexei was so sweet. He picked me up out of the chair and carried me in to the living room. I must admit, it worked. I started to relax a little and feel better about myself. He put some music on, and poured some wine. Sat next to him with his arm around me was perfect. The way love should be. Yeah I loved Nicky but he was never really romantic. The conversation ranged a few different topics, mainly the Worlds though. I had to convince him I would be watching and making sure he won. It would be his second victory if he won, nothing to be sneezed at. The night passed rather quickly. All too soon it was time to take me home. He knew nothing would happen that night. I was still in a great deal of pain and it was too soon. He understood completely and reassured me that he did outside my house.

We were saying goodbye when Paul opened the door.

"Where have you been young lady? It is way past your bedtime. And who do you think you are bringing her home this late? Huh? I can't hear you. Speak up and apologise for me worrying about what you were up to."

He burst out laughing unable to maintain the angry parent routine. Alexei and I exchanged glances and laughed ourselves. Paul went back inside and waited until I was ready before he would help me down the hallway.

"I don't expect you to see me off tomorrow. Just make sure you're watching me, and I'll call you."

"I will be ready to see you perform and hour before the show. Front row tickets in there I've got. Don't worry I'm not gonna miss it for the world."

"Good, well I guess that means we're finished then...for now."

I smiled, remembering the last time he had said that to me and what had happened since. It seemed years ago, not a few months.

"Goodbye Alexei."

"Goodbye my Lady Cath-er-ine."

He turned to walk away.

"Lyosha...I love you."

He turned back and bent down to hug me. With a shy kiss he whispered back

"I love you too."

I watched him walk away, get in to his car and drive home. What is it about him that gives me this feeling? I've known him for a few months but it seems like forever, and I don't wanna ever let him go.

Just like I'm not gonna let Nicky go either. I'm gonna call Harvey in the morning to appeal. My son and Alexei are what I need now. Paul has done his best and I'm truly thankful but now I have to let him be him with his life.

I'm not gonna sit in this chair forever. I'm gonna fight to walk and I'm gonna fight for those I love. I'm gonna make my life good again, no matter what it takes.

Temptation Part 16

*****************

I called Harvey earlier. He's gonna put in the request for a new judge so I can try again for my son.

Today is the 15th of March. The Worlds start tomorrow and I know that Alexei is gonna win. He has to.

*****************************************

He did it! We got a new judge; we have three weeks to get everything sorted. Nicky will be notified later today. He's not gonna like that I'm appealing. But I don't care, I will get my son.

I went to see the doctor today. It's the 17th of March. Alexei is skating the short tomorrow.

The doctor and I had a long talk. I want to walk, I have to walk. We can do physiotherapy to help me. It's gonna take a lotta time and effort but I'm a skater. I can do anything. I know that I won't be ready in time but I'd love for Alexei to see me walk when he gets back.

Harvey is trying his best to make our case even better than before. I really think that this time I can't lose.

Alexei called me before. I told him the good news and he says that he's glad he'll be here. I wished him luck for tomorrow and told him I know he's gonna do it. His second world title.

*****************************************

Well this is it. It's about to start. I haven't watched any other divisions. It's too painful. I watch this only for Alexei but it still hurts. I wish I was on the ice.

He's the last to skate, of course the best is saved for last. Plushenko's marks can be beaten, Alexei can do this if he skates clean. His name is called and the crowd erupts. Screams of his name and nicknames. They love him and he's only starting his career.

"Happy birthday Alexei."

His music starts 'The Revisionists Tale'. I hold my breath hoping that he skates clean. The minutes pass slowly, every element perfection.

He assumes his finishing pose and it's his, it has to be. The crowd throw flowers and teddies, the ice is covered. He makes his way to the kiss and cry area to see his marks. The crowd wait in suspense. He's done it! He's overtaken Plushenko! He'll be leading in the long! The pure relief on his face is a picture. What a birthday present. Speaking of birthday presents I don't have one for him.

*****************************************

"Alright, I'm coming. If I can get to the phone.

"Hello."

"Hi, it's me. Did you watch? Did you see?"

"Of course I saw. You were wonderful."

"I can't believe it. Everything's going perfectly."

"Yeah it is. Even for me. I'm gonna get Nicky back Lyosha I can feel it. And you're gonna win!"

I heard a voice in the background calling him.

"I gotta go. I love you Cath-er-ine."

"I love you too."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Silence.

"Put the phone down."

"No, I can't you put it down."

"Lyosha, put it down."

"We'll put it down together."

"Ok, on the count of three."

"1 2 3."

"You never put it down!"

"Neither did you!"

"I really gotta go, Tatiana's calling."

"Bye Alexei."

"Bye."

He did put it down this time, and straight away I wished he hadn't. I had a strange feeling inside me, and I didn't know what it meant.

Temptation Part 17

*****************

In high school there are different groups of people. There are the geeks and the cheerleaders. The jocks, and the kids who are looked up to by the geeks and down on by the cheerleaders. I'm not sure where I fit in with that lot, I was different from everybody else in school. I got through it but I was more interested in the ice than my social life.

I wouldn't say that I was naive; I know how the world works. I was innocent, that's the word I'd use. I believed in the fairy tale. I wanted the fairy tale kind of love and the whole big wedding thing. I got it, and well look how it turned out. I believed that everybody was good somewhere inside them. I believed that if you wanted something bad enough, you got it. I was wrong, wrong about everything.

There is no such thing as fairy tale love. Only degrees of bad love. The white wedding is making the most of it while it lasts. The chances are you'll split up within a year. There are bad people and really bad people. Depending on how much you like someone depends on how much you let them down. No matter how much you want something, unless you're really lucky you won't get it. It doesn't matter how much work you put in.

What are my reasons for thinking like this? The answer is life. Just when you think it can't get any worse, it does.

I can stand up, holding on to something like a bar or a door. I can make one step with my right leg, my weakest. I can't use my left leg at all. That's the one that got broken, well it won't move. I'm not gonna walk. I'm not gonna skate. I'm not gonna be a mother unless I get Nicky back. I need help to do most things like moving in and out of bed and the bath and stuff. Paul is a Godsend; he has helped me in more ways than I could have ever hoped. But that won't help me and Alexei. I should have known that it would never work out between us. After that phone call I realised that it would never work. He'd always be off for competitions and tours and shows. I have to stay here where it's safe, where I'm not far away from help.

Where I can hide away from what I have become.

Temptation - Part 18

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I got ready to watch the free skate. It had to be Alexei's night. He had to win. His name was called and the whole arena erupted again. They all loved him so much. But they love the skater, they don't know the man. And what a man he is. He assumes his starting pose, Lawrence of Arabia. I love this program. My breath is caught as I watch perfection take over the TV screen. Hope that he performs cleanly, that it's his for the taking. As always he never lets me or his fans down. All elements clean, it has to be his, has to be. Before he even gets to the kiss and cry area, the crowd let the judges know who should win. Of course he does. The crowd cheer, I smile knowingly. Always sure he was going to take it. Just 19 years old and he's going to write history, I know it. And what a champion he is. Waving and smiling to the crowd, he's gonna break so many hearts.

*****************************************

Alexei is due back today. I watch the clock despairingly.

"Too slow, time is too slow."

"Patience is a virtue, he'll be back soon."

"Too slow."

Paul tries to make me wait patiently, all the time knowing he won't succeed. He's known me forever and I've never been patient. I know Alexei will expect me to go to the airport but I'm gonna wait at home. I can't meet him in a wheelchair. It'll be embarrassing, for him and me. Here I can wait and not have to show the world what I am, what I used to be is still too close and too painful.

Hours pass and still he's not here. Maybe he won't come. Maybe me not being there waiting for him was hurtful. I don't know, I don't really know him. Yeah I know who he is and what he's been through but we've never really... Oh I don't know. I'm so confused. I'm still not sure if I should see him again. I'm 27 nearly 28 for crying out loud, he's just a kid, just 19. I don't want to hurt him or use him. But I'm a mother, a cripple, and an older one at that. What can I...

The door rattles under the angry knock. Paul answers it and flees the house quickly after seeing the expression on the visitors face.

"Why didn't you come? I waited for you hoping you were delayed. Are you ashamed of me or something? What have I done? What have I not done? Tell me and I'll fix it. Just don't ever let me have to face that situation again."

"Don't be stupid. I'm not ashamed of you and you haven't done or not done something. I'm ashamed of me."

The grim realisation hit me so hard. That was the first time I'd admitted it aloud.

"You, why?"

"Look at me. I'm nearly 28 years old and I'm in a wheelchair."

"So."

"So, do you really want to be seen with me?"

"Yes."

"Alexei face the truth. I'm pleased that you won. I'm pleased you got a good career ahead of you. But you need a girl your own age who can walk and bear your children. Not me."

"But I want you. You know I do. I have ever since I met you. That one-day when we met changed my life. It changed my outlook on things."

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

"You're really serious aren't you?"

"Yes. Walk out that door and don't look back. Don't turn around just leave."

"Do you really hate me that much that you would demand a thing like that?"

"It's because I love you that I demand it. If you leave now it'll be easier than in a few months or a year or whatever when there's someone new."

"How can you love me and still ask that of me?"

He showed his true age with that question, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Why are you laughing at me?"

"You just proved my point. You're so young, so innocent. You think you love me in the way a man should love his wife, but you're wrong. You feel the way a schoolboy does about his teacher. What you feel is something new and exciting. I don't mean to hurt or use you, but we can never go anywhere. There's too much time between us. Too many complications. It's a temptation is all. I'm flattered, but what you feel is not love but lust."

It was the first time I made a man cry and it broke my heart.

"Please don't do this to me. We can work it out we can try. I know we can."

"Lyosha, you're clutching at straws that are about to break. Let it go."

"I can't."

I held him close to me as the mens World champion figure skater broke down in my arms for a love that had grown too much. For a love that had gone on far too long. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Temptation Part 19

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It's been a couple of weeks since I saw Alexei. Today is my appeal day. Today I learn if I'm capable of looking after my son. Paul is with me of course, but a surprise friend is waiting at the court for me.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wouldn't miss this for the world championships. Well maybe I would but you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I'm glad you're here."

I smiled up at the beautiful Russian figure skater who had stolen my heart in so many ways. He flashed his brilliant smile back at me.

I won't bore you with the details, Harvey was great as usual. Nicky had the bitch of a woman again. My son was as always in Louise's arms. Her daughter beside her. He's so beautiful, even more so now that I haven't seen him for so long. If I lose today, in two days will be my first weekend with him. My visitation rights got put back by Nicky until we had a decision today. I couldn't believe he could do that but Harvey assured me it was quite within his legal rights. What about my rights as a mother?

"After reviewing the financial states and economical and emotional states of both Mr and Ms Jensen, I find that Nicholas Benjamin Jensen Junior would be better off in the care of..."

Time seemed to stop. If I lost today I had no more chances. This was it. I looked back at Alexei and he nodded in assurance that it would be ok. My son was asleep, unknowing of what was happening around him. Paul smiled nervously, Nicky meant just as much to him as he did to me. I looked back to the Judge fear and pleading in my eyes, but he didn't look at me. He looked at Nicky.

"Ms Jensen. Mr Jensen has visitation rights every second weekend. That is all."

Fear and relief swept over me all at once. Harvey hugged me and then stepped back as Paul flew into my arms. Nicky brought my son to me and laid him gently in my arms. He and Louise ran out quickly both weeping. I wept too. For thanks that I had been given back the one thing that was more important to me than life itself. My son. As if he knew what had happened, Nicky opened his eyes and smiled at me. It was the best thing I had ever seen. Paul thanked Harvey and then wheeled me out. Lyosha stood waiting for us outside.

"Congratulations, justice has been done."

"Thanks."

"I gotta go for training but it was good seeing this today."

He leaned down to kiss my cheek and slipped an envelope in to my hand.

"Goodbye, my Lady Cath-er-ine."

I shuddered remembering the other times he had used that name.

"Goodbye Lyosha."

He turned and was soon lost in the crowd. Paul took us home. That night we tucked my son into his crib and watched the sleeping babe, safe back where he belongs. Paul left us then and I opened Lyosha's envelope.

"I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Probably because you can't run away from a letter. I've been thinking about you a lot and what you said. I realise that you are right about the age difference and the complications. However, I know you are wrong about lust rather than love. I have never felt this way. I know what love is and I know what lust is. This is definitely the former. I pray that you still feel the same as you once did about me. I may be young and innocent as you said but I know when I have something too good to let it away. I will not let you away. Your son means more to you than anything else in the world and that's the way it should be. But you mean so much to me also. You therefore, must know what I'm feeling. I send you this to ask you to meet me tomorrow. 3pm in the rink. I have a short time between practices. Please please come to me and we can talk more. I have to see you. Bring Nicky also, I have not seen him in so long. You do remember what happened the last time he was there with us? He is my lucky charm. Maybe he will bring me that luck again.

I hope to see you both then,

All my Love

Lyosha."

I sat back after reading that and thought hard. I couldn't go that was leading him on when I couldn't give anything more than friendship. But I loved him. I'm not ashamed to admit that I loved him, age difference and all. Once again I was to give in to Lyosha's temptation. And do you know what? I wasn't bothered. I wanted to go to him.

Temptation Part 20

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Paul took me and Nicky to the rink. I knew he'd be close if I needed him to take us home. I waited in the changing rooms for Alexei knowing he would have to be in there at some time. I kind of stayed in a corner out of the way so I saw him before he saw us. Why is he so beautiful? He picked up a towel and sat beside me.

"Hi, can I hold him?"

"Sure."

I watched as he held my tiny son for the first time. They looked so sweet together. Nicky laughed up at him, and strange as it sounds Alexei looked proud of him. Almost as if he were his son. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live.

"I'm glad you're here. I didn't think you'd come."

"Did I have a choice after that letter?"

"Not really. I had to write so that I knew you'd definitely listen. You can't hide from a letter."

"Why am I here?"

"Because I needed to see you. Over the past couple of weeks it's driven me crazy not seeing you. You say it's lust but it's not. A feeling this strong is not lust."

"But look at me. I have my chair and my son. How can you want this life?"

"I want it because I've already lived it. I know what your life is and I like it. Even through what's happened you remain positive and focused on what you want. The true mark of a skater. And as a skater who wants no demands, I want you and this little guy. Don't deny me that."

"You are too good to be true, do you know that?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Look Alexei, I still haven't accepted what I've become. A crippled divorcee with a small child at the age of 27. I don't mind that except the crippled part. I used to be a skater, one of the most graceful creatures on the earth. You are still so young with a whole life and career in front of you. Are you sure that I.. we won't hold you back?"

"If I thought that, would I be so persistent to get you?"

"I guess not."

"Well there you are then."

I had to smile, he was pure perfection.

"Does that mean what I think it means?"

"What do you think it means Lyosha?"

"That once again, I've got what I want."

"Well, I guess so."

He beamed.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

He was so happy.

"I guess my little good luck charm works again."

"Yeah."

On impact, Nicky laughed.

"I think I know what he wants to see."

"Really?"

"Yep."

He kissed me. His sweet taste in my mouth again, and that was when I knew everything was gonna be ok.

Temptation Part 21

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Alexei knew how important this weekend was to me. He took two days off to help me get through it. My lil baby was to spend the weekend with his father. Alexei drove us to Nicky's house where we left my son. We were to pick him up at 2pm tomorrow afternoon. I cried all the way back to Alexei's home because I missed him already. I knew that he was safe but it still hurt. Alexei tried to make me forget. He made lunch for us, it still seems surreal to me; I was having lunch with the 19 year old, two times World Figure Skating Men's Champion. Here's me 27, with a baby, in a wheelchair. Not exactly a matching couple but we were happy. We finished our lunch with Lawrie yapping away at the wheels of my chair. A sweet dog but he's not very quiet when there's new people around. It was so lovely, Alexei kept threatening him to make him quiet but he couldn't help laugh at the expression on Lawrie's face. In the end he had to play with Lawrie in the back garden to tire him out and make him sleep. I watched them from the back patio doors, so sweet as they rolled on the grass after the ball. Ten years seemed to drop off Alexei. A boy and his dog.

Lawrie won the ball and curled in his basket with the ball safely from Alexei hidden between his paws.

"I lost, it's not fair, I never lose."

"In playing with him, or in everything?"

"In everything. If I want something, I get it. You know that."

A wry smile crept across his face.

"I know you never give up, very persistent."

"That's me."

He helped me on to the sofa and sat beside me.

"Does it bother you that you have to help me all the time with things like that?"

"No, if it did would you be here?"

"I guess not. It's just sometimes I wonder if I'm a nuisance and in the way."

"You're not, believe me."

"Ok."

"I love you."

I looked at him in amazement. I was not expecting that so soon, but I knew it was right.

"I love you too."

Every time his taste is in my mouth it's better than the last time. His strong fingers traced my face and then twisted in my hair. My hand was stroking through his brownish blond locks, even with my eyes closed I saw him looking into me. Despite all the difficulties between us being together, I knew this was right. This was where I was meant to be. Here with Lyosha's love and falling out of reach of danger. (who noticed that one? hehehe) Nothing could hurt me any more.

*****************************************

It was 2pm Sunday afternoon. Yesterday had been perfect. I spent the rest of the day and the night with Lyosha. Lying asleep in his strong comforting arms.

Now we were sat outside Nicky's waiting for them. Alexei had knocked on the door for ages but there was no answer. Only one of the cars was gone so they must be out.

*****************************************

It's 6pm, we're still waiting. I'm so worried. Alexei keeps reassuring me that it'll be ok, they just forgot the time. I swear to God if my son is hurt I'll...

It doesn't matter what I'll do. Here they are, only four hours late. Where's Alexei going? He walked up to Nicky and took my son and the bag. With my baby back in my arms I felt so relieved. Now where is Alexei going? He's talking to Nicky, it looks like they're getting angry.

"How dare you be four hours late. What are we supposed to think if you're not here on time? Anything could have happened and we wouldn't have known."

Although Alexei was 10 years younger than Nicky, he was taller and fitter.

"He's my son. I'll keep him as long as I wish to. What's it got to do with you anyway?"

"The court says until 2pm Sunday afternoon, no longer no shorter. It has everything to do with me. I love Catherine and I love Nicky; they're my family now."

"Well you can keep her, slut that she is. But that's my..."

He never finished his sentence as Alexei sent him flying to the floor.

"Don't you ever say anything about Catherine like that again."

He came back to the car and drove us away. I was in shock, Alexei had just floored him!

"Alexei, sweetie, calm down."

He was a bit red in the face. I wasn't scared for us, just for him. I don't want him blowing a blood vessel or something.

"He made me so mad. I didn't mean it but he shouldn't say stuff like that."

"I know honey."

I stroked the back of his head. My son fell asleep in my arms as we drove back to Paul's.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't know how to answer him. The years fell away from him again. A boy left, looking so ashamed of himself.

He helped me in to Paul's and kissed me before leaving. He looked so helpless. What can I do to help him?

Temptation Part 22

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I let Alexei calm down yesterday. He was at the rink all day trying to forget about Sunday.

Paul took me to the rink and then took my little son for a walk while I spoke with Lyosha.

I watched his practice for about an hour. Every time I see him on the ice I fall in love all over again. How there can be so much expression and passion in his performance for such a young age will always baffle me. But it was there and it was wonderful.

As he finished he caught sight of me. I knew Tatiana wasn't pleased. She didn't totally approve of my age and my son, but she wouldn't tell Lyosha what to do. That was up to him. However, his mother he would have to listen to. I wonder what she'll say when she knows about me. I know Lyosha will tell her in person when I'm there. He told me that so I didn't worry about it any more. But I do, I know we don't make a "normal" couple, but we're happy.

After Tatiana's talk about his practice he came to me. His perfect smile dancing mischievously upon his lips. His ice blue eyes sparkling along with his white teeth, his bangs playing with his eyelashes. There is no other word that can be used to describe him but perfection.

"Hi."

"Hey sweetie."

"How are you?"

"You once said to me, do we have to go through the small talk? We don't Lyosha, you know that. Besides now that I'm here what could possibly be wrong?"

"Ok."

"Are you ok after Sunday?"

"I didn't mean it, you know that right? It was just so maddening that he would do that. I know it was on purpose. It's not fair that you have to go through that. I lost it, so I had to hit him. I didn't think it was gonna be that hard though. I never felt so angry, he shouldn't say things like that about you. Even if he does hate you, you're still the mother of his child. Speaking of your little man, what kind of example is he setting for Nicky to grow up in? Where is the little guy anyway?"

"I know honey, forget about it. It's over. He's with Paul so we can have a little time alone."

"Great, I'm gonna get a shower and then take you for lunch, ok?"

"Yeah, I'll just wait here."

"Ok."

He ran off to get there all the sooner. For such a young man he has such a huge impact on me. He makes me feel... Oh I don't know... invincible. Like I can do anything I want to.

Tatiana saw him leave and came to talk to me. I knew this wasn't gonna be good.

"He's a special person."

"I know that, it's one of the reasons I love him."

"He doesn't know love. He's only 19 and you are 27 with a child. There is a lot of time between you."

"I know that also and yes I worry about it but Alexei reassures me it doesn't matter. I do love him."

"And your son, does Alexei love him? Although he has a father who is still around."

"I think he does."

"Why are there bruises on his knuckles? I asked him but he says he can't remember."

"I... I don't know."

"All unnecessary distractions are dangerous for his skating. I will not tell him what to do and what not to do with love; but I will ensure his skating is not affected."

"Miss Tarasova, I understand that. I was a skater myself. If I were proving to be a distraction to him I would leave. I have watched his skating for months and he is not losing his passion, or his technical strength. I think he is improving and I think he will continue to do so for years to come. I do not look upon Lyosha as my last chance for love from a young man. I am not like that. I look upon him as a gift from God; not just for me and my son but for the world of figure skating and all who watch him. He is loved by many because he is such a wonderful skater; but he is loved by me for being such a wonderful man. For accepting me the way I am from what I used to be. For accepting my son and that Nicky, his father, still has to be a part of our lives. They are just a few reasons why I love him as the remarkable person he is."

"Ms Jensen, I respect that you had the honesty to tell me how you really feel. I understand now how much you mean to each other, albeit that there is a nine year age difference. I wish you both well and I hope you are happy."

I could tell by her facial expression that she was sincere. I was so happy, Lyosha was too.

"Tatiana, that means a lot."

She turned to see Alexei grinning at her. They exchanged knowing looks only experienced in a relationship as close as theirs. After a brief hug for Tatiana and a kiss for me, we went for lunch.

Temptation Part 23

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The rest of yesterday was uneventful. We had lunch, we spent some time together. We got lil Nicky from Paul and we spent more time together, then we went home. See uneventful!

Now today that was quite different. Lyosha came over today, Lawrie with him. It was so sweet seeing the dog lick my sons toes. Nicky laughed the whole time. Paul commented that we looked like a family, it gave me a warm feeling inside. I always wanted a family, Lyosha has given me a second chance at that. He asked me could he take Nicky for a walk with Lawrie, a male bonding thing. He looked so afraid to ask in case I said no, idiot. As if I'd say no, I trust him with my life and my sons. I watched them leave from the front door. Nicky balanced in one arm and Lawrie's lead in the other hand. Alexei was telling Nicky about all the things that they could see around them. The sky, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, the grass. As I watched them I felt something inside of me, something new and different. Could it be that I have found the one person I was meant to love forever? I watched until they were out of view, the sun dancing between Lyosha's locks. My sons little head bobbing by his shoulder. Lawrie trotting beside them. That is the picture I will see every time I close my eyes for as long as I live. The two people I love most in the world, alone together without me for the first time, and yet so close to me.

While they were gone I took the opportunity to do something I hadn't for a very long time. I wrote. I used to write all my feelings and thoughts down so I could incorporate my life in to my skating.

I had just finished when they returned. I fed my son and took him to bed as it was getting late for him. Paul helped. While we were upstairs Lyosha waited with Lawrie and then he caught sight of my paper. Of course, just as curiosity killed the cat, it caught Lyosha. He read what I had written.

"Today I experienced love. True love the way it should be felt by everybody. I didn't feel it through a touch or a word or a look. I experienced it through a vision. I saw my two most prized possessions in a new way. I didn't see them as a child and a friend. I saw them as a father and his son. A daddy and his little soldier. It scared me in a way because this they are not, yet they looked so similar and together. A tall man walking down the street towards the lowering sun. A dog at his heels, a tiny nine month old person, learning about the world in his arms. Teaching the things they saw as they went along; this tall man introduced the tiny person to the world of nature. How can I describe the way it felt to finally understand? To understand that this is how life and love should be. To understand that by walking away from your life, looking at it and wishing it would last forever is how everyone should feel. To know the people you love are gonna be around forever in your heart and in your mind because of love. Not only the love you have for them but the love they hold for you.

The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and to be loved.

I learnt that today when I saw my Lyosha and my Nicky."

Temptation Part 24

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Paul excused himself, saying he had to be out somewhere and that he didn't know when he would be back. I looked towards the table to hide my paper, it was gone. I glanced round anxiously, I had to find it.

"It's here, don't worry."

Alexei held it up.

"You shouldn't have read it."

"Why?"

"Because it's mine and it's private. Please give it back."

He played it round in a circle above Lawrie's head. I was terrified in case it was eaten. The little dog tried to snap at it but he was always just a little out of reach.

"Alexei, please give it back!"

"Come and get it."

I would have done if it werent for this infernal chair. I'd have wrestled it out of his hands, but I just sat there feeling the tears welling up.

"Come on, get it back."

"Alexei, I can't. Please just give it back!"

He scrunched down on his heels before me and peered up in to my tear filled eyes.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because, it's mine and it's private and it's important to me."

"But something this beautiful should be shared with the whole world."

"No, it's for me it's my thoughts about my family."

"You class me as your family?"

"Of course, I love you."

"I love you too, but I didn't think I was qualified for family yet."

"Huh?"

"I thought I had to prove that I was good enough or something before you'd trust me completely and welcome me in to your family with open arms."

"Alexei, my family is based around my son, and he loves you, like I do. Therefore, I welcome you. Besides I do trust you completely; it's not everybody who can just walk away with little man."

He gave me that look. You know the one, where he looks like a boy and you could just lock him away forever in a glass cupboard so he won't get hurt. It may sound strange but I do have that kind of feeling for him as well. Because he's so young I do wanna protect him from the world and pain. Almost a maternal love, but not quite. I never felt like this before. Such a beautiful look.

"Why are you looking at me funny?"

"Because I just saw something new in you."

"What?"

"A boy like quality. You're so special, your mother must be so proud."

"She is, she has always supported me in whatever I have or wanted to have."

That thought brought me back to us. Would she be happy about me? I knew that Alexei was visiting Russia in the summer. I also knew he would want me and Nicky to go with him. And I would, but would I be welcomed? It's about a week and a half away from my 28th birthday, am I too old for him?

"What's wrong? You look sad."

"I'm just thinking about you and me."

"What about us?"

"Lyosha, what if your family doesn't accept me?"

"They have no choice."

There was his typical boyish attitude, I'm gonna do what I like and you better not argue about it!

"What if you have to choose?"

"How do you mean?"

"What if you're given an ultimatum kinda thing?"

"Then I'll think about that then. Right now I wanna think about something else."

"Oh really? And what's th..."

My sentence was cut off as my mouth was involved in another activity. He was so near, I could smell that scent he had. That dark musky one that didn't fit with his personality, but went so well with him. Does that make sense? Probably not, he was so difficult to describe and yet so easy to love. We were cut off by Lawrie's barking and Nicky's crying.

"Why does that always happen to me?"

He sat back on the carpet looking upset, as if something had been stolen from him. I looked towards the upstairs room. I had to get up there.

"Hey, don't worry. I'm here, I'll get him."

I watched him run up the stairs, two at a time. Lawrie was quiet as Alexei gave him that warning look on his way upstairs. I put my paper away while he was gone. They came downstairs, looking so close again. My baby in my Lyosha's arms. I was so proud of both of them. Lyosha was talking to him, telling him about Lawrie. It worked; he soon fell asleep again, this time in Lyosha's arms. The silence was so loud, my little son cuddling in to Lyosha's chest. Alexei looking down at him, a smile curling about his lips. Again he had that look, so proud of something that wasn't his, yet he was. Despite my son having a father, I knew Lyosha was gonna be his daddy.

Temptation Part 25

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I'm gonna skip a week or so to my birthday. Our time together is basically the same. Our lives are such that they can't be changed every couple of days. Alexei has to skate and I have my little man.

Anyway, it was my birthday, I received the best present ever from Nicky. His first word. It was even more special because he said it to Alexei. Daddy.

Alexei took me to dinner. It was a beautiful Italian restaurant, candlelit, soft music, type of place. We were eating dessert when Alexei excused himself to go to the bathroom. He went to build up his courage, so he told me later. He came back but instead of sitting down he scrunched on his heels by my side.

"I want to give you your birthday present now."

He moved to one knee.

"Catherine, my Lady Cath-er-ine, will you marry me?"

He held a small navy blue box in front of me. I was so shocked, this was not expected at all. Opening the box he revealed a gold band with a cluster of diamonds set around a sapphire. It was beautiful. But I didn't know what to say. In 5 seconds my mind ran through our short time together and I realised I already knew the only answer it could be.

"Yes, yes I'll marry you."

He slipped the ring onto my finger, perfect fit.

"I was a little worried that you'd refuse."

"As if I could refuse you."

*****************************************

I'm doing a lot of skipping while I continue to tell our story. I'm so busy, and the baby keeps crying.

Soon it was summer, we hadn't set a date yet. We were flying out to Russia to meet Maria and Zoya. I had never been so scared in my life. What if they didn't like me? What if they didn't approve?

All my worrying was for nothing. They were so pleased that Alexei had found someone, even with the age difference and my son and my chair. We got on so well, it was wonderful. My family still don't talk to me over Nicky, even now. I don't care, I have Lyosha and my son and now Lyosha's family. It was so sad when we had to leave! But we'll keep in contact, especially now that I don't have to be scared any more.

*****************************************

Alexei shocked me one day shortly after we got back from Russia. He told me that Tatiana had plans to move to Newington, Connecticut. Alexei, of course, was going with her. I knew he was expecting me and Nicky to go with him. But could I? My life was here. Paul was here. My son still needed to see his father. But love conquers all they say and it conquered me. Once again I was to give in to Lyosha's temptation.

The move was successful and although I'm gonna miss home, I could learn to love Connecticut. Nicky was not pleased. I got the "how dare you move my son" routine. Louise has left him for a rich bloke in the south. So he's alone, and I'm not. Does that make me sound childish? Like hahaha, I got more sweets than you kinda idea? Once a month my son will see his father, but his daddy is right here.

*****************************************

Again I'm skipping. It's been three years.

I'm 31, Lyosha is only 22, and we are married. He recently became the Olympic Champion and the Four Time World Champion. I am so proud of him. My little man, who ain't so little, is three years old. Little Lyosha is three months old. Yes, with sweet, gentle loving from Alexei we have a son of our own; Little Alexei. He helped me with physiotherapy so I was able to bear him a child of his own. Lawrie, of course, is still with us. I see Paul regularly and sometimes Nicky when he can be bothered to see his son. Little Nicky calls Alexei "daddy" though, so we're happy enough.

Love is a temptation to risk your heart with someone. I advise everyone to risk the temptation because you never know it just might work out. Despite all obstructions and difficulties, love has prospered and we are so happy. Well all except little Lyosha who is crying. I have to go see to him, Alexei is at the rink with Tatiana. Lawrie is yapping at my heels. Nicky is laughing at the baby because he makes "funny face".

My life is hectic but I wouldn't have it any other way, all because of a temptation by an angel.

THE END.